My Purpose or Whatever

Sometimes I feel like I'm a mythbuster. I feel as though I'm out there to challenge the myths about the Christian life or Christian Lifestyle. There are myths out there. Christians don't lie, Christians don't cheat, Christians think they have a better handle on life, Christians think they are high than others, and so on. For the most part, Christians only enforce these myths and for a long time I did as well. Lately, I just don't care. I'm a Christian. It is my desire to live a life patterned after Jesus and laid out for me by God. I don't think I'm better than anyone. I just want to walk a real path. I don't want there to be a cloud of lies around me and myths about my life. Although I'm afraid there is a fog around me, more than I like, but it is my desire to live a life that is purely sold out and honest.
With that I find myself being a mythbuster. I cuss. I say the word "damn" several times during the day and you may even hear me say "shit". Am I less than a Christian for saying these colorful words? Am I missing a part of heaven that others seem to have achieved because they never let the "f-bomb" leave their lips? I don't think I am. I'm not convicted about it. I'm covicted about other things. I'm convicted about the falsehoods in my life. I'm convicted by the curtain I put around myself so that I can point at my Wizard of Oz trick to others around me. That is the biggest thing around me. I find myself convicted almost to my knees about the false pretense I put out there. "I'm ok!!!", "Nothing is wrong in my life!!!", "I have every thing figured and measured out!!!", ect. These are so false and they convict me every day. But as Christians our myth is to show this side of us only. Not to show the ugly side, such as, I have been so depressed the last couple of weeks I haven't been able to find the motivation to clean my house. There are times where I'm so overwhelmed with life I can't function. But the myth is to hide this. So yet again I find myself busting another myth. Christian life can be so hard that the load sometimes is over whelming. And although I still show a very raw side to my journey there is still even more things that are more raw. Its easy to say I'm the perfect housewife and how I love being a wife, praise God for making me a women...blah,blah,blah, these things to me are false pretense I see a lot of women project. As I women I deal with even more complex things then that and I don't plan on letting my life become some poster for the ultimate Christian Women Lifestyle. But yet there are other posters I could become. The ultimate PoMo,Hybrid Christian Women. I post it up every where. It screams with all the right lingo of the culture and the correct "look" of this new wave, but even behind that poster my life is jacked and I'm having problems wading through it. Can't we all say that though? So we build more myths and break others so that we can push through this life. Interesting cycle I guess. One of growth, one of contradictions, and one that ultimately belongs to God. And from the most sincere part me can cry out, PRAISE GOD FOR THAT!!! Praise God He is the ultimate mythbuster and praise God that if I just keep following this journey there is peace and His full likeness there.