This may sound crazy, but when I read that I think: Good, then we’re getting somewhere…
Speaking only from my own experience, these times when you get the most confused, when you seem to have the least grasp on the answers, are the times when you are really progressing. I know it sounds all backwards and counter-intuitive, but I think what Justin is describing is great and totally spot-on. Because I think there comes a point where if you aren’t confused then you simply aren’t paying attention, or you’re possibly lying to yourself. Seriously, it’s only people who are actually trying to figure things out who become confused. While nobody wants to wallow in uncertainty forever, I think it’s really healthy and natural. And it’s also sort of awesome to reach these small breaking points where it seems like every turn you make meets with criticism or failure. Because what that does is strengthens you against needing outside validation. Everybody makes you feel guilty or says you’re doing something wrong? Now’s the time to really assess for yourself if that’s the case and what needs to be done about it.
This was after he quoted from a blog. Hit the link to read the entire post. At any rate this is my response to him and I thought I would share it here.
I know this will be shocking for you, but I welled up in tears as I read this. I think some where deep inside me I knew this, but felt guilty for even putting words to it.
So often I keep hearing people say, "where there is confusion, there isn't God". The thing is, I've found in my confusion and uncertianity that is where I find him. I feel safe and at peace, because I know some where his will, if you will, is there. That when I think I have this "mother" figured out, my life gets shaken and I find myself back in uncertianty.
And as you say at the end, I'm finding it becomes more and more about God and I. No one fits in the math. I'm not looking for what others want or what the easy answer might be, but I'm in honest relationship with him. It looks messy, it looks like my spiritual life has some how gone to "pot", but it hasn't, I'm in growth and I'm being honest. How often when we are in the "know" do we become cocky and if we look no growth, no new strength in our faith. I guess I've been living in the deep question for about a year now, maybe longer, sometimes I think I must look so weak to others, but then I look to God and I see I'm stronger.
good stuff, Drew! Thanks!!!!
