Something I realized yesterday was that I wasn't really living and being 1 Corn. 13 with my husband. Blake, I want you to know how sorry I am that I think of myself first so many times. Although there maybe something I don't like and I don't want to do it I should just to show you that I love you. I wish that I could say that I have showed what it is to love you. I get onto you for not putting your love into action and here I am not even setting an example of what that is. I'm sorry. All I know to say is this, I do love you, and I promise to make an effort to love you as Christ loved the church. I do love you honey. You have made my life better and I thank you for marrying me. Your a wonderful man! I love you!!!!!!!!!! :)

Well last night I went to a wedding that was just o-kay. It made me so glad that my husband and I put God first in our wedding. We couldn't help but do that and be that. It was our desire for God to be glorified and seen in our life and our marriage. It still is. It was just a dissapionting wedding. I would have loved to have gone and seen something so good for the Father. To see a couple sacrifice their marriage that day for the Lord. Realizing it isn't about ourselves we have anything but for God.

Real quick. I'm so tired of the homosexual issue. I'm so tired as a christian who believes homosexuality is a sin that I should repent of it, ect. Why is it that we are fine with calling other things sin but can't live with the fact that homosexuality is. By calling it a sin does not mean that God does not love the homosexual. It does not mean that homosexuals are going to burn in the firy gates of hell. It means they are struggling along just like I am and must repent just like me. What is so difficult about that? What is so out there about that. If God has called me to go on and sin no more why is that homosexuals are called to something different? Just asking because anyone who supports "homosexual christanity" will not or won't answer these questions. Just wanting to vent. I'm at a message board where my thoughts can't be truely expressed. Thought this would be safe seeing how it is MY PLAYGROUND! ;)

Things are going o-kay right now. I'm just depressed I guess in some ways, nothing seems to be working out right here. I'm just going with the flow and hoping at some point there will be a breaking point of acceptance. I'm tired of living in fear. I'm tired of living in chains. I know that God has a plan for me and I know that He wants my life to be an open book for Him. Blank book for Him to write. How many times through all of this have I closed myself off? TOO MANY I'm afraid. I don't know if anyone is reading this. I don't know if anyone cares what is happening to me. I know that there is One Person who does and His name is Jesus of Nazerath. He is my Messiah! I know that might sound cheese like but it is how I feel about Him. I know that my life isn't perfect but I know it can be. I live in the hope of Jesus and the hope of tomorrow.

Right now I feel deep because it seems death is all around. Is there an age where you see it more? Right now one of our youth from our church is battling death, or may have won the battle already. I don't know. I just know right now, although I know Brent may have gone with Jesus, there is this feeling of "why Lord, why someone so young?" "why him?" I just pray that right now that God uses Brent whether alive here or alive with in heaven.

So I'm working and I'm wondering if I'm turning into the "perfect christian chic" again. I don't want to do that. I want to be who I am. I want to show Christ. I don't want to tarnish Christ but I want to show Him too. I want to live out His calling, I want to live out His purpose. Anyway, many thoughts.

Is anyone out there? I guess we won't know will we...............................