Things are going o-kay right now. I'm just depressed I guess in some ways, nothing seems to be working out right here. I'm just going with the flow and hoping at some point there will be a breaking point of acceptance. I'm tired of living in fear. I'm tired of living in chains. I know that God has a plan for me and I know that He wants my life to be an open book for Him. Blank book for Him to write. How many times through all of this have I closed myself off? TOO MANY I'm afraid. I don't know if anyone is reading this. I don't know if anyone cares what is happening to me. I know that there is One Person who does and His name is Jesus of Nazerath. He is my Messiah! I know that might sound cheese like but it is how I feel about Him. I know that my life isn't perfect but I know it can be. I live in the hope of Jesus and the hope of tomorrow.

Right now I feel deep because it seems death is all around. Is there an age where you see it more? Right now one of our youth from our church is battling death, or may have won the battle already. I don't know. I just know right now, although I know Brent may have gone with Jesus, there is this feeling of "why Lord, why someone so young?" "why him?" I just pray that right now that God uses Brent whether alive here or alive with in heaven.

So I'm working and I'm wondering if I'm turning into the "perfect christian chic" again. I don't want to do that. I want to be who I am. I want to show Christ. I don't want to tarnish Christ but I want to show Him too. I want to live out His calling, I want to live out His purpose. Anyway, many thoughts.

Is anyone out there? I guess we won't know will we...............................