Abba Knows Best

So today I'm asking myself does Abba know best. For months I have been on my knees with God over a certian issue in my life. And he keeps saying to me, "Daughter, I know best." And I get angry and say back, "Do you? Do you know what is best?" And I wonder, when does what he want and I want coexist? Does it ever? When does what I want get heard from him and the faith I have in him count? Small faith is suppose to move mountians. So I keep wondering why my small faith in this matter has been meaningless. So Abba says to me, "Child, I love you and have since you were even a thought to this earth. I know you best. Even better then you. I see the great scheme. I know your heart. I know your hurting and made as hell at me, but I do, I do know best!" And I stomp my foot, become the full on brat I know I am and beg Abba for once to just give me just for ONE time the thing I'm trusting him on. *stomps my foot, harder and harder* Come on ABBA, let me see it once, just once. And he says to me, "I have and you are blind"

*sighs* I don't know any more. I've let this tear me from the inside out. In and out I go from the self torture I'm so well at doing to myself. And just being Abba to prove me once to be right. Or is it wrong. LOL UGH...ok, this turn out as well as I had it planned in my head. Oh, well....

The Ever Growing Spiritual Life

So....you look at your journey and where you are going. I look and I see my life becoming more and more of a dance. Isn't that what its suppose to be? I've come to a place where I would rather learn the simple place of God. To see his majesty in the silence place. No show, no demands that other's can put upon you and see him in new ways.
Something I have embraced is comptemplative prayer. I got onto this from Brennan Manning, whom I huge fan of right now. I finished reading his book The Signature of Jesus about a month ago. I truely appreciated what he had to share in that book. The pearls of wisdom he shares in that book are amazing. But the biggest jewel I found in the book was comptemplative prayer. Its something I have been trying to do every morning and every night. I don't always do it, but for the most part I find time to focus on a gospel verse and meditate upon it.
As far as being a part of a church, well, that ain't happening. I'm just not finding an "IC" that I'm sold on and feel I fit into. I'm just over the false pretense of "IC". I'm over the plasticness (yes, that is a real word ;) ) of it all. Maybe I've been out of the system for too long. Maybe I have come to another understanding that makes me too judegmental and I can't check out my brain at the door. I don't know. What I do know is that for now, I'm happy with it just being God and I. I'm enjoying the growth I have seen in myself as a person and as a child of Abba.
Anyway, I hope this post makes sense. I feel a bit muddled today. LOL Had to take Buster to the vet for the first and I think it stressed up both out. LOL
Much love and blessings to all!

What Life Brings

Hello peeps! Those who drop by now and then. So this is my life as of now.

1. I'm a full time student as of NOW. LOL I'm attending Southeast Missiouri State University. I'll be finishing my education degree. The long term goal being I get my masters in hopes of working with children with autism. Since working with special needs children, I've just opened up to a new passion.
2. I am working at Wal-Mart part time for the summer. I need the extra money for school. Its an alright job, gets me to where I'm going in my goals.
3. I have a kitten. His name is Buster and I wubs him lots. He has brought a new joy into my life. And some stress. LOL
4. Spiritually: well, this one is will take a while and my computer is lagging BIG time. I'll get to this next time.

Ok, I'm frusterated with this lag. It has taken me well over 15 minutes to do just this. LOL