Ministry And Power

I used to remember what it was like to be in ministry and the power I wielded from it. I think those of us who have been in position to be over a group of people in a spiritual sense there is power there. I don't know that you realize it until later, but you look back and you see the power. You can even see the abuse of it. The one memory I have that comes back to me when I think about this time is in my life was at Valentines party we had for our youth. There was a time to have the alter call and one girl (youth) found herself pinned in a room with a group of other girls trying to "save" her. I guess whatever they were doing wasn't working, so because I held the "power" of being "Missions Women" I was found to come and save the day, oh and the girl too. ;) Anyway, at that time I was still just trying to figure things out. I was raised church of Christ, there was no prayer there was a question, "Julie do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior" which you would reply, "Yes I do." and then the preacher gives you to a group of women or men depending on your sex and they would lead you to a closet or room, help you change into your baptism clothes and then you were dunked. So for me I was still trying to understand this whole "sinner's prayer" and the Roman Road. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Anyway, so I'm called in, this clueless girl with an even more clueless "Mission Women" and that is when the power and the abuse of it began. I remember all of us gathering around her, we talked and no response. So I stupidly did the, let us pray and have a moment of silence to let her maker her decision. No pressure. I guess you can guess what happened. Well, maybe not, we were silent for awhile, I suddenly felt the pressure of realizing I was the "Mission Women" I needed to bring this home for the home team, so I said another prayer, "Father, you just move through this room. Father, You are great and so _______ how great you are let her accept you. And Father even if she just says 'yes' that is enough." Long dramatic pause and a little girl's voice says "yes". What else was she suppose to do? I look back at that time and I wonder what gave me that right? I wonder how many times that girl entered an "alter call" after that? I abused a power that God gave me, just so I could add a notch to my belt or save face.

Abuse of power is common place now for our churches. We unknowingly and maybe knowingly abuse a position or leadership role God gave because we have to save face, we have to remain in control, or we don't want people to know the truth. We don't want them to know the sham. How often we find out that the "higher of us" miss the mark or by margins miss the mark and the whole time had they just been real with us we could have dealt with it. I wonder a lot had I gone into that room, looked at that girl and told her I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but instead to share my story. I wonder what would have happened had I just told her for that night to think about the things I had told her and others had shared. I honestly don't know where that girl is now, to my shame, but aren't we all guilty of that shame? I wonder if I would have realized I have to earn the right and build community with that girl what would have happened.

I guess, for me, the business side of church took over. I didn't see the fullness of what God had called me to. I look at so many times around me that I spoke into someone's life because I thought I had that right, but I did not. Although I was being "real" they truly saw the truth. They saw the cracks in my mask. My plank kept getting longer and no amount of cover up helped. How many other church leaders right now are under the same delusion I was or under the euphoria of power that they can't see the damage they are doing? I'm afraid there are still too many. Too many not realizing the importance of relationships. I think of Christ's examples. Zacchaeus, the adulterous women, the sinful women (alabastar box), so many others where He did not abuse the position He was in, but used it to help others, but He also won the right to be there.

I think or feel that the more we seek to honor the body of Christ, seek to honor the beauty of who Christ is to us and how that impacts us we will then see a change in our churches. I know this sounds like a downer, but I'm afraid it will not happen. I'm not sure if there is a way for our leadership or the body of Christ to acknowledge of the abuse we have done to one another and to a seeking world. I think it will be one person at a time, slowly waking up out of the slumber and looking around us and seeing what we have while being the walking dead. May it be with us all to take the opportunity daily to change the confines of what we think it is to be a christian leader in the world and our churches today.

Blessings!