Worldchill

I was at Jordan Cooper's blog tonight and someone mention Coke Zero. I had not seen it here so I decided to look it up. In doing so I found something really cool:

check it out

A Book I Must Have

I could use this book! ;) Sounds like a cute book. Just happened upon it tonight.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Sorry I haven't been saying much lately. I just haven't had alot to say. :P I have also been kindof bogged down with thoughts and life.
One thing I keep asking mysel is, where do we go from here? I feel lately I'm in a rut. I don't know if its because we haven't found a place to be or what. I think it is mostly due to the fact that Blake and I aren't firmly in a community, so in a way we are isolated.
But and this a big one, I don't want to sacrifice what we have come to know for something that isn't what is best. I'm longing for community none the less. Needing some connection with the outside world besides the one in our four walls and the ones at work. This journey has been a good one. One that I wouldn't trade for the world. I have watched my husband and I become even closer in friendship and love for one another. Before we were growing apart and just hurting so much, but now we are more of a team, a stronger team.
But this still leaves me with, where do we go from here? I guess I'm ready to know. I'm getting restless and I'm feeling the tightness of this cacoon. Something tells me its time to break out of it, but what happens when I decide to come out of this one? I don't know. I guess its kindof like being a teenager again. You know its time to graduate from Highshcool, ready to leave home, but at the same time wanting to cling to all that you have known. So this is where I'm at. In a warm shell, but ready to break free, yet wanting to hold on tight. :P

Free IPOD

I signed up for a free IPOD today. Kindof cool deal. I couldn't help but want to see if it is a legit. I checked into it and apprently its on the up and up. Anyway, if your interested you can link to it from this title or by the banner at the bottom.

Interesting...

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

What is Your World View? (updated)

Oh, Your American....

I'm so frusterated today. I since working here I have been slowly disguising my accent. I just find I get a better reaction from people, but I also don't have to repeat myself a lot. Anyway, today I guess I haven't done as good of a job. I have had several different vendors refuse to help me with a call because I'm American! What makes me mad is because if I sounded Indian or from another country it would not phase them. That is very frusterating to deal with. I can only change my accent so much, but it really pisses me off that I even have to!!!! ARGH!!!

I Am Angela Shelton

I'm a huge advocate of helping prevent abuse and raising awareness of abuse. One thing that I have tried to support to the best of my ability is angelashelton.com. The movie she made is such an eye opener. For me it only drove home what I already knew. Since I have friends and family who have been sexually and physically abused its a personal issue. But I have also worked with young girls and boys who have also been abused. I just found out that Angela now has a blog and I have added it to my links. I really encourage any of you to please educate yourself. I know there are alot of causes out there, but this one is one I truely beleive is worthy and is one who can easily help. I own the dvd and I will gladly let any of you borrow it or order one of your own and share it with others! As well, it looks like Lifetime TV will be airing an updated version, so you will be able to see it there as well in the future. I don't know if any of you have had someone in your life that has felt the effects of being abused, but I can tell you this, it makes you passionette to help out when ever you can or however you can, even if it is something "small".

News From Down Home

My parents just called me to let me know they made it home safe after going on vacation, but they also let me know one of my Sunday School teachers and baby sitter from West Poin,MS passed away today. She was 41, a mom of 3 children (18,17,12), and a wife. She was a very sweet women. She was one of those women who first influnced me on how to be a Godly girl and to grow up to be a Godly women. Please pray for her family. Please pray for strength but also for a tranistion time for the kids. Her first husband left them and I don't know how much he was apart of thier lives, I only assume they may go and live with him now. I know that there was a really big strain there for along time and again I only guess this is still the case.
Although it has been a long time since I saw Suzette she played a role in my life and I'm saddened by this news. Although it is always good to know she is with our Lord and Savior it still doesn't take away the sting of losing someone.

God bless!

What Genre of Rock Are You?

Emo! You're very in touch with your emotions and
that's what I like about you! It's all about
the music for you... I have pity for your
tortured soul...you're just like me...


What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This was fun, found it "listen to this..." (can see it listed in the blog section). So which were you? :)

And btw: I have NO clue what Emo is! LOL Anyone have a definition for me. :P

My Purpose or Whatever

Sometimes I feel like I'm a mythbuster. I feel as though I'm out there to challenge the myths about the Christian life or Christian Lifestyle. There are myths out there. Christians don't lie, Christians don't cheat, Christians think they have a better handle on life, Christians think they are high than others, and so on. For the most part, Christians only enforce these myths and for a long time I did as well. Lately, I just don't care. I'm a Christian. It is my desire to live a life patterned after Jesus and laid out for me by God. I don't think I'm better than anyone. I just want to walk a real path. I don't want there to be a cloud of lies around me and myths about my life. Although I'm afraid there is a fog around me, more than I like, but it is my desire to live a life that is purely sold out and honest.
With that I find myself being a mythbuster. I cuss. I say the word "damn" several times during the day and you may even hear me say "shit". Am I less than a Christian for saying these colorful words? Am I missing a part of heaven that others seem to have achieved because they never let the "f-bomb" leave their lips? I don't think I am. I'm not convicted about it. I'm covicted about other things. I'm convicted about the falsehoods in my life. I'm convicted by the curtain I put around myself so that I can point at my Wizard of Oz trick to others around me. That is the biggest thing around me. I find myself convicted almost to my knees about the false pretense I put out there. "I'm ok!!!", "Nothing is wrong in my life!!!", "I have every thing figured and measured out!!!", ect. These are so false and they convict me every day. But as Christians our myth is to show this side of us only. Not to show the ugly side, such as, I have been so depressed the last couple of weeks I haven't been able to find the motivation to clean my house. There are times where I'm so overwhelmed with life I can't function. But the myth is to hide this. So yet again I find myself busting another myth. Christian life can be so hard that the load sometimes is over whelming. And although I still show a very raw side to my journey there is still even more things that are more raw. Its easy to say I'm the perfect housewife and how I love being a wife, praise God for making me a women...blah,blah,blah, these things to me are false pretense I see a lot of women project. As I women I deal with even more complex things then that and I don't plan on letting my life become some poster for the ultimate Christian Women Lifestyle. But yet there are other posters I could become. The ultimate PoMo,Hybrid Christian Women. I post it up every where. It screams with all the right lingo of the culture and the correct "look" of this new wave, but even behind that poster my life is jacked and I'm having problems wading through it. Can't we all say that though? So we build more myths and break others so that we can push through this life. Interesting cycle I guess. One of growth, one of contradictions, and one that ultimately belongs to God. And from the most sincere part me can cry out, PRAISE GOD FOR THAT!!! Praise God He is the ultimate mythbuster and praise God that if I just keep following this journey there is peace and His full likeness there.

ARGH!!!

I'm having major writers block. It sucks. Its busy at work and I can't think of one thing that is all that great to share. Anyway, just type a bunch of nothing just to let you know I'm around. I'm in a weird mood right now, realizing I'm just typing up space and abusing words. There is a thought. How many times do I just talk when I sould be silent. :(

Ok, hope y'all are doing well. See ya...

Oh, btw, tonight is a big night on Big Brother. I'm really bummed at the show. Stupid Eric!!!

PS: I just noticed unkymoods has gone all weird again. :(

Two Words....Amber Fleury

Who is she? Well, if you are Canadian you might know. If your watching Canadian Idol you will know! This women's voice will rock your soul. I have never heard someone's voice that made me want to cry. This women's voice does that to me. And no not in the "Lord, she *really* sucks!" No, in the way that one of the judges said, Zach, he said the voice that comes out of her mouth is holy. And honestly that is how I feel when I hear her voice. I would honestly go to Toronto, sit through the torture of bad Canadian humor just to hear her sing! If they put up part of her performance on the website I will share it with those in the States who won't or can't get the chance to hear her.


Now, there is one other Idol I don't want to neglect. His name is Josh Palmer. Tonight he sang Hallelujah . It was so haunting. I loved it. He is so original. He's kindof like Bo and Constantine from American Idol. He just has this intense stage presence and such a haunting voice. He is truly an artist.
I'm not a fan of Canadian Idol. It sucks compared to American Idol, but I have to say they hooked me with these two people. I would pay over and over to listen and watch them that is for sure! :)
BTW: Have you ever read the words to Hallelujah? I guess its been awhile for me. Here they are:
I heard there was a secret chord
That david played to pleased the lord
But you don’t really care for music do you
It goes like this, the fourth the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing, hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
Well I don’t even know the name
But if I did, well really, what’s it to you
There’s a blaze of light in every word
It doesn’t matter which you heard
The holy or the broken, hallelujah
Hallelujah...

I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel so I learned to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the lord of song
With nothing on my lips, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Well, maybe there’s a God above
But all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it’s no complaint you hear tonight
It’s not some pilgrim who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
U2 - Hallelujah Lyrics

PBS:Emerging Church Pt. 2

Hey guys!

I noticed that part 2 of the Emerging Church on PBS has been posted. If your interested just click on the title.

Ok, I just watched this video. I'm glad that McLaren says he doesn't speak for all of us. :P I hate to even think about the Emerging Chruch being an insitution, which I know it will at some point, but it was disappionting hearing McLaren promote it that way too. What I did like was him pointing out how we used the bible as a dictionary for morals. Find whatever moral think you think is bad or not bad, pick a verse and decide. Excellent point.

I guess after watching I felt I was still on the organic trail of this and wanting to keep as far away from anything "formal" as possible. I guess its the hybrid in me. HA

YUM!

You know what sounds really good right now?

A peanut butter pie. YUM!!!


Sorry its a crazy day at work and all the sudden it hit me that I wanted a peanut butter pie from Perkin's! LOL Thought I would make y'all crave something as well! ;)

Introducing...

Sodacoaster!!! Ladies and gints, from near and far, Miss Soda or Miss Coaster (if your nasty ;) ) has opened a blog! She already has some great stuff so check her out!

PPSSTT, Karen, she might be in your area. *nudge, nudge* ;) LOL

Click on that there title and it will lead you to Who Is Gilbert Grape? I also have the link on my blog list for those who will want to read this in the future. :)

Blessings!

Soul JOURNEY

I get a daily devotion in my e-mail called Soul Journey. I like it. Although I don't read it every day. I normally read it when I feel the pressing to. Today I felt that pressing. One of those moments where you feel God's gentle hand nudge you towards something.

Here is the scripture:

Colossians 3:5-14

5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry . . . 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. . . 12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Good scripture. The one part of the verse that stuck out was this, "Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. . . " This stuck out to me for many reasons. Some of you are even thinking of the same things I am. But then I read the thought after this and it reinforced why this scripture is so profound to me.

"How often do we present ourselves to one another in a similar manner? Cutting away the truth of who we are, we hide the struggles we're facing in our walk with Jesus. To fill the empty spaces, we copy spiritually vapid words into our conversations and paste convincing smiles on our faces. Confronted with our fake presentations, we conceal the truth and end up living two lives. Seemingly perfect, yet truly fabricated.

As believers in Jesus, we're called to cut away the things of old:anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from [our] lips (Colossians 3:8), a difficult task in itself. But putting on the new self is not something we just paste in place. Developing the character of Jesus requires patience and truth with ourselves and with one other."

And this is where Christian Community becomes real and growth comes. So many people are missing this. They cut and paste what they want people to see. They have so many different images they nor you never know which cut and paste person you are talking to. They have thier everyday life cut and paste, they have thier church life cut and paste, and for some even an internet cut and paste. None of it real. None of it truly false either. But yet it is truly missing the richness of the Christian life and the fullness of Christian Community. The thing is our messy Christian life, the messiness of tearing off the cut and paste, wiping away the glue and the technical stuff that holds up our fake facade is what fertilizes the ground. It is when we decide we want something deeper with Christ and those around that the ground becomes rich for growth. Its sad that we think its the fake stuff that makes Community grow, but its good ole' organic realness where we find Christ and the fertile ground of change.

To read the full devotion for today click here.

Church In The Grocery Isle

Today Blake and I headed to our local grocery store to pick up food for the week. As we were walking down one of the isles we ran into one of the members of our old church. Her name is Peggy. Peggy is a jolly ole' gal from England. Seriously, she is a wonderful spunky lady. She and her husband is originally from England and adopted Blake and I very quickly when we got married. So there was Miss Peggy in the isle, we didn't notice her at first, but she noticed us. She looked at Blake and exclaimed, "What are you doing here?!?!!!" Blake looked over and saw the smiling Miss Peggy. Soon church began in the middle of the isle. God really used Miss Peggy to up lift us today. She shared with Blake how she missed him sharing at the Breaking of Bread service. She told she always found it thought provoking and wonderful. This made Blake's day sense lately he has been informed of things other wise about his thoughts. Some how soon though we started talking about church communities expectations of one another. In her english accent she said,"Oh, everyone at church wants to put on a big fake smile and say 'everything is fine!' and we shouldn't be like this." To add to the importance of what she was saying by putting on her fake smile and fake happy eyes and ended with a disgusted look. It made me laugh. She then went on to talk about how it is wrong of us to want each other not to be ourselves and the pressure that we put on one another to make sure we are not. She then smiled and said, "The only person I know who can change me, has been changing me for over 80 years and He hasn't stopped yet." I loved it! She reminded me that the only changing power is God's and even when I'm in my 80's it still isn't over, but to that end, no one's opinion matters on how I should change and be, but the opinion of my Lord, my God, my Master. How rich that statement is.

So God bless Miss Peggy Ritchie! What a wonderful women! And praise God for making sure we had church in the middle of the grocery isle. I think Blake and I would agree it was much needed.

Don't Talk About That...There Are Starving Children In China!

Remember when you were a kid, depending on your age, and you wouldn't finish eating your dinner your mom or whom ever would say, "there are starving children in China" or Africa these days. I remember this? I even remember it being used as a line in Dirty Dancing. (for some reason when I think of this line I think of that movie) At any rate, this was to make us feel bad that we were so blessed to have food that we would finish eating our brussel sprouts or whatever "health food" our parents wanted us to eat.
Fast forward...yesterday I had a couple of instances where someone used this same type of thinking but in a different way. In the middle of good or even heated conversation someone pops in and says something to the tune of, "think of the starving missionaries in the world...", now this is an exaggeration, but you get the idea. Basically, its a way to manipulate conversation to someone else's agenda. It could be to many ends. From the examples I have from yesterday I can't quite figure it out, but I did get the message. The message was, "this is stuff we shouldn't be talking about, I don't like it, so I will throw this out there to make you feel as though your spiritually deprived." Now, they weren't successful on making me feel spiritually deprived, but they did accomplish one thing. That was to make me realize how often when we are uncomfortable with a certain behavior in the christian world we try and find ways to manipulate those around us with spiritual superiority. The thing is, it is not wrong to talk about tough matters, nor is it wrong to question the community around us, and nor is it wrong for those of us in the community to have heated exchanges. This does not neglect the missionaries who are overseas or not overseas. Nor does it make those missionaries better than us. There are things in christian communities that need to be addressed and just because there are people doing things we deem highly spiritual does not mean we should stop addressing problems. Heck, part of the problems can be some of these missionaries. Nor does it mean those who are addressing problems are ignoring work being done by others.
Brooks has a great entry on his blog and I think it could be a good parrell here as well. Brooks talks about the balance between being too individualistic and too community oriented. He talks about the extremes and the negative effects of both thinking, then addresses the positive on both. But he points out that we need each other. The same here. There is balance needed. We should always find ways to support those who are doing work as missionaries and support those as God has lead us. We should always be mindful of our part in the Great Commission. On the other hand, we must realize we are more and more being saturated into a new environment and with that calls into question a lot of what we have always known. These issues need to be addressed. They aren't going to go away. But if we focus too much on the issues and never try to fix them so that we are a healthy body then we neglect the Great Commission. There needs to be a balance between both thoughts. There also needs to be a healthy balance. And what I saw yesterday was unhealthy. It took a detour that stopped growth and acknowledgment of change. Do any of y'all watch Friends? Remember the episode after Ross and Rachel broken up, Rachel and Ross were trying to get everyone else to kindof pick sides. What happened? Chandler started smoking and would try to entertain people instead of letting the people work things out. The same with what I'm talking about here, we must allow healthy conversation so that we may grow and to that end change things around us for the kingdom.
I hope this makes sense to y'all. I just kept noticing a running theme and I saw how unheathy it was and thought, what better thing to do then to blog it! ;)

Blessings!

My Decision

I want to thank those of you who have encouraged me to stay on with this blog. I didn't post what I did to boost my ego or to get encouragement, but thank y'all so much.

I realized today I was letting someone dictate to me what I was going to do. I realized that I allowed them to bully me with emotional bullying. Here at my blog I shed alot of masks, ones that I try daily to shed in real life. I want people to know the person they find here is the same they would find outside of it and visa versa. With that, it leaves me in a place to be critized and allows people to use information anyway they want. Such as the case with my enteries on forgiveness. Although I would never do that to someone there are people out there who will and have. I need to accept that and get some thicker skin.

So I have decided to continue to be real here. I have decided not let a bully emotionally drain me to the point I question things I know to be true and right. So I will continue to share what I feel lead to share, again hoping it touches one person, spurs them onto new and different things, and that we all grow together on this journey to be real, honest, and passionette about being a full body of Christ.

Many blessings!

How Many Times...

I was just reading an article at ALLELON called Chocolate Chip Spirituality by Brian Turner. I love how he starts off:

"Aunty Gladys' Chocolate Chip Cookies
½ cup butter, softened
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar
1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons firmly packed brown sugar
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1 large egg
1 cup plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup chopped pecans
1 (6 ounce) package semisweet chocolate morsels

Beat butter and sugars at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy; add vanilla and egg, beating until blended.

Combine flour, soda, and salt; add to butter mixture, mixing well. Stir in pecans and chocolate morsels. Drop dough by heaping teaspoonfuls onto greased cookie sheets. Bake at 350 degrees for 8 to 10 minutes. Cool slightly on cookie sheets; transfer cookies to wire racks to cool completely.

Yield: 5 dozen
So often, we look at spirituality as though it were a recipe. Let me see if I can illustrate:
½ hour prayer, daily
1/4 chapter plus two verse memorization Bible study
15 minute morning devotion
½ page entry in daily journal
1 gospel presentation
1 hour small group per week
3/4 hour service in local church
1 ½ hour weekly corporate worship
10% gift of weekly income
1 large act of love to a complete stranger

Yield: Spiritual Maturity
Sound familiar? If you have been a Christ follower for over a week, it is likely you have been given the Chocolate Chip Spirituality recipe. "

How many times have I seen this on people's web sites or in bible studies where we pull out our recipe for Spiritual Maturity? For me I see it way to often and really all I see is a weak recipe anyway. Because just like Brian says in his article:

"The anthem of Chocolate Chip Spirituality is, 'A-B-C it's easy as 1-2-3. So simple as Doe-Ray-Me. A-B-C, 1-2-3, Follow Jesus but do it exactly like me.'"

Although any church can claim to have this there is a guru side to all of this. We have our local guru, our state guru, and last but not least our national guru. They spoon feed us, we allow them to mind you, and they make as simple as 1-2-3 just as Brian says. Wonder as a community when we are going to stand up to this model and say no more? I wonder when we are going to say it just isn't that simple and your cookie cutter doesn't fit me! At the very least the power we have given these people is out of control. Especially on a local level. This is where this "plain and simple gospel" and "plain and simple lifestyle" becomes very abusive. We also need to realize that God made us each different to serve different parts of the body and if anything this article at least made me think of how dangerous it is when we keep a "plain and simple" mentality around us.

PS: You can click on the title for the article.

PBS

Hey guys!

Y'all really need to watch this. If some of you are still in the dark about the Emergent Church please watch this video. I think it is very informative. It does make my heart ache though. I want to find this in my area so much. I would love to find some christians who are activley seeking this out as much as me. I fear in my area there is no one looking for a faith journey outside of the ordinary and having true community. ARGH, more frusteration. LOL

Being Creative

I have some friends working in missions right now. They are in a closed country and sending them e-mail has been an interesting thing. Thier e-mail is not secure so I have to be very careful of how I word things. I can't use words that would send off signals to anyone who might read it. Just now I sent them one and I said I would be praying for their new life in ______(the country they are at). When I hit the send button I wondered if that is the wrong thing to say. Man, its rough knowing your words could get them caught. Anyway, I'm sorry to be secretive of who they are and where they are at,but for reasons I'm sure you can figure out I don't want to get specific. If y'all could pray for missionaries who are in closed countries, that God protects them and they also are able to make relationships that impact the kingdom. :)

Blessings!

I My Mood Today Is...

I feel very frusterated with myself today. I don't like feeling like a victim and I don't like acting like one, but lately that is what I have been acting like. Skirting around certian issues going on in my life and hiding from certian things.
I'm frusterated with not knowing if I will ever be able to be apart of a church. For the thrid week (maybe longer) Blake and I found ourselves not going again. I like the church we have been visiting. I think its great. The people are so nice, but there is this part of me that fears them. I fear them finding out who I really am and what that means about my time there. I fear them. I fear them with a passion. They can potentially be like others who have taken advantage of me and of others, then never acknowledging any of it. I know this sounds strange because we are all human we have the potential to hurt one another, but honestly I'm in a place right now that cannot allow one more thing. Which leads me to my other frusteration.

I'm tired of feeling vunerable. I hate feeling that way. Its frusterating to me. I don't like feeling
I'm fragile and someone can use something they may know I'm struggling with against me or for their abusive behavior. I guess this comes from experiences, but right now I'm just feeling vulenerable which means I can be prone to being hurt futher. I'm not a fan of that, which who is?

I'm also frusterated with Christians abusing their "power". I'm mad that I have let their abuse dictate as of late what I write about. I had someone recently use my blogging on forgiveness and bitterness as a tool. They think that my enteries have been about them, so then thinking they have power in my life, because they are in "ministry" they can speak into my life and tell me what is wrong with me. So now, I wonder if I should continue to blog and if I should, should it be as raw and real as it has been. I don't like giving people of this nature any more rope than I have to, but knowing they continue to ignore request of staying away from me it makes me want to stop. I thought my post on my name would have cleared this stuff up about what I write here, but I guess it didn't. So I'm frusterated with that. Do I close this thing down, do I start just sharing surface things, or what do I do? I personally am to the point of shutting down. I'm tired of my words being taken out of context or my words being used to supporst someone elses' sick games. I said in the "My Name" entry that if you think an entry is about you then to ask me if it is, just ask! Especially with my blogging of my journey on forgivness and bitterness. Out of respect for the people I have problems with I'm not publishing thier names. They don't know about this blog and as far as I'm concerned I'm talking about my journey with it. Those people know who they are and although I have been treated with less respect they would give a dog, I will treat them with respect and not publish thier names and all the events that have caused me to continue on this journey. I wanted to share my journey, but I didn't want my joureny to be used as a tool by someone who knows nothing about me to speak into my life where they have 1. no foundation or history with me, 2. have no respect for me, 3. have never built a community between us. These three issues have deeper subtext, but they are good surface examples.

So anyway today has been a day of thinking alot and from that feeling very frusterated. To add to that frusteration I got an e-mail from a friend dealing with junk at their church and although they have not gone into depth about it, the under tones sound so familar my skin starts to crawl. Don't you wish it weren't wrong to bang heads together or to be violent at times? Just joking! Anyway, maybe some trusted friends can pray for me.

TallSkinnyKiwi: Emergent Village On PBS

Thought I would share this article with y'all. He shares about the PBS article but I like what he says at the end, maybe I'm not a hybrid after all?

"
That guy looking stumped into blankness is not meditating nor being hypnotized but is actually thinking about how to answer the questions about his church Solomon's Porch. And yes, that guy is Doug Pagitt and his birthday was this week. Some leaders of Emergent Village get interviewed at PBS online which is worth a read, and worth waiting for part 2 which will be posted next week. HT Kevin Cawley. And BTW, the Wiki defintion of Emerging Church is now updated and improved, and includes an excellent quote from Chris Seay - “It should be clear we are championing the gospel and missional values, not what (some) describe as ‘ministry intentionally influenced by postmodern theory.’"
It is that kind of clarity we need when talking to the media about why emerging church is often looking different than traditional church. Its a missional thang, NOT a postmodern thang. We are going back to the Bible and taking it seriously, NOT discarding it in favor of French deconstructionists of the 1970's.

As for the concept of "post-emerging" (Ginkworld), it may be helpful to think of emerging church in 3 stages:
1. Submerging - those going deep into culture to listen, think, pray, and share the gospel among the emerging culture.
2. Emerging - When the new church structures begin to rise up and take shape organically inside the culture, a process that will often be described as having "emergent characteristics" and displaying "emergent behavior".
3. Converging - When the new church structures begin to connect to the other existing structures, local and global, and form part of the web that is the body of Christ.
Of course, if you present these options to churches, they will normally choose the one that is most advanced and complete, no matter where they are in this process. But it might help those who have been going 15 years and are now part of the church fabric, despite growing up with emerging culture people. "

This is the full article although I was lazy and didn't put in the links he has with the article. If you want those, please just click on the title and it will take you to Andrew's site. :)

I'm SO Excited!!!! YIPPEE

Unky Moods is working again!!!!!!!! Oh thank goodness!!! How happy am I!!! I was so sad thinking it was gone forever. :P
Blake, Drew, and Lydia do the dance of joy! ;) LOL Sorry I knew y'all would get that. HA

Ministry And Power

I used to remember what it was like to be in ministry and the power I wielded from it. I think those of us who have been in position to be over a group of people in a spiritual sense there is power there. I don't know that you realize it until later, but you look back and you see the power. You can even see the abuse of it. The one memory I have that comes back to me when I think about this time is in my life was at Valentines party we had for our youth. There was a time to have the alter call and one girl (youth) found herself pinned in a room with a group of other girls trying to "save" her. I guess whatever they were doing wasn't working, so because I held the "power" of being "Missions Women" I was found to come and save the day, oh and the girl too. ;) Anyway, at that time I was still just trying to figure things out. I was raised church of Christ, there was no prayer there was a question, "Julie do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior" which you would reply, "Yes I do." and then the preacher gives you to a group of women or men depending on your sex and they would lead you to a closet or room, help you change into your baptism clothes and then you were dunked. So for me I was still trying to understand this whole "sinner's prayer" and the Roman Road. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Anyway, so I'm called in, this clueless girl with an even more clueless "Mission Women" and that is when the power and the abuse of it began. I remember all of us gathering around her, we talked and no response. So I stupidly did the, let us pray and have a moment of silence to let her maker her decision. No pressure. I guess you can guess what happened. Well, maybe not, we were silent for awhile, I suddenly felt the pressure of realizing I was the "Mission Women" I needed to bring this home for the home team, so I said another prayer, "Father, you just move through this room. Father, You are great and so _______ how great you are let her accept you. And Father even if she just says 'yes' that is enough." Long dramatic pause and a little girl's voice says "yes". What else was she suppose to do? I look back at that time and I wonder what gave me that right? I wonder how many times that girl entered an "alter call" after that? I abused a power that God gave me, just so I could add a notch to my belt or save face.

Abuse of power is common place now for our churches. We unknowingly and maybe knowingly abuse a position or leadership role God gave because we have to save face, we have to remain in control, or we don't want people to know the truth. We don't want them to know the sham. How often we find out that the "higher of us" miss the mark or by margins miss the mark and the whole time had they just been real with us we could have dealt with it. I wonder a lot had I gone into that room, looked at that girl and told her I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but instead to share my story. I wonder what would have happened had I just told her for that night to think about the things I had told her and others had shared. I honestly don't know where that girl is now, to my shame, but aren't we all guilty of that shame? I wonder if I would have realized I have to earn the right and build community with that girl what would have happened.

I guess, for me, the business side of church took over. I didn't see the fullness of what God had called me to. I look at so many times around me that I spoke into someone's life because I thought I had that right, but I did not. Although I was being "real" they truly saw the truth. They saw the cracks in my mask. My plank kept getting longer and no amount of cover up helped. How many other church leaders right now are under the same delusion I was or under the euphoria of power that they can't see the damage they are doing? I'm afraid there are still too many. Too many not realizing the importance of relationships. I think of Christ's examples. Zacchaeus, the adulterous women, the sinful women (alabastar box), so many others where He did not abuse the position He was in, but used it to help others, but He also won the right to be there.

I think or feel that the more we seek to honor the body of Christ, seek to honor the beauty of who Christ is to us and how that impacts us we will then see a change in our churches. I know this sounds like a downer, but I'm afraid it will not happen. I'm not sure if there is a way for our leadership or the body of Christ to acknowledge of the abuse we have done to one another and to a seeking world. I think it will be one person at a time, slowly waking up out of the slumber and looking around us and seeing what we have while being the walking dead. May it be with us all to take the opportunity daily to change the confines of what we think it is to be a christian leader in the world and our churches today.

Blessings!

Big Brother

I'm so excited Big Brother has begun! Its the one thing I look forward to durning the summer. Alot of people don't care for this show, but I think it is great. The social experiment is amazing to me. This year one of the twist or maybe the twist is that each Big Brother contestant is teamed up with another Big Brother contestant. They can be best friends, siblings, SO's, ect. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. I will never forget last season when Micheal and Jennifer found out they were brother and sister. What an emotional moment. I don't know if they can top that , but I look forward to the new experiment and see what happens. Anyone else a fan?

I'm In The Process...

I'm under construction. I'm moving forward. I have recently started to reread two books, one being Beth Moore's Praying God's Word and Harold S. Kushner's How Good Do We Have To Be?. I have realized more and more that I have not worked through some events that happened when I first moved here. Its been painfully obvious for a long time. To even show me even further what I need to work on I have had other events that have a common thread to show me that I need to keep on the path and the journey of forgiveness.

One thing I'm working on right now is being completely honest with God. I have for once started admitting who I'm really angry at. Although I am angry with the ones who hurt me or betrayed me, I'm also angry with God. What?!?!! Yes, I'm angry at God. I've allowed myself to tell Him why I'm angry. This hasn't been an easy process. I'm mostly angry that He hasn't brought justice. I'm angry that He hasn't moved this people to want to change anything. The reason this makes me so angry is because several years ago I had two different situations where I had to forgive people before there was ever any acknowledgement from them. But what was so amazing about their situation was that God did amazing work of bringing us together, not only was there forgiveness, acknowledgement (on both sides), but there was restoration. I guess in my mind from those two situations I thought that is how Christians and God worked this stuff out. I'm angry that this has not been the situation as of late. So I'm angry at God for changing the rules and I feel not giving me the tools to deal with this.

The other thing I'm working on is the disappointment in so called/professing Christians. Ok, I'm not just disappointed I'm angry at them. I'm angry that they do not respond to confrontation. They do not respond to the realization they did something to hurt you. Is this just a Canadian thing? Or is this just a lesson God is teaching me? Again, this goes back to the process I had gone through several years ago, where a Christian brother/sister was confronted and it was prayed over, talked about, acknowledged and we walked through it together. I just don't have any tool that helps me deal with unacknowledged hurt or glib behavior towards someone's hurt. By glib behavior I mean acting as though every thing is just fine between us. I just don't have any data or file to pull out and process this. The words I use a lot in these situation is, unreal, 'I just don't get it', Wow, 'I'm just lost', and many other words. I just don't get how people can just ignore confrontation or treat it so lightly.

So with these two things in mind I have seen God slowly giving me words of wisdom. Not only through His word, but through other's words as well. One thing I'm chewing on right now is from Beth Moore's book Breaking Free from Spiritual Strongholds; Praying God's Word this book has given me a lot of help. She uses a lot of scripture, but there was a quote that made me pause and understand what was being shared in scripture. The quote says:

Withholding forgiveness until an offender understands or acknowledges the emotional pain they have inflicted is a subtle form of revenge. Why? Because it's hoping that the offender would hurt a little too, in order to understand. But this type of revenge robs you of your freedom and allows the offender to keep control of you.- Dr. Chuck Lynch,I Should Forgive, but...

I never thought of it this way. I'm upset or angry because my "offenders" have never acknowledged my pain and the effect of their wrong doing. So therefore I allow this dead body to continue to hold on to me. I can't be free because I'm not letting go of the chains because I'm allowing their lack of acknowledgement infect me further, even more than the original hurt. This is costing me a lot of energy, its costing me happiness, peace and joy.

Another thing I'm allowing myself to realize is my offenders were wrong and what they did/are doing is wrong, BUT I still need to move on. I at one point had made the assumption that it was me. It had to be, why would they (the offender) not acknowledge what was going on. I have finally allowed myself to put the ownership back on them. This allows me to take steps on things I can work on, instead of trying to fix everything, even the wrong doing. This was and is a madding circle. Its an insane one. So I have stepped out of that circle. I have been working putting the ownership of the wrong doing back on them and letting God work on me with the aftermath. This hasn't been easy. I'm a fixer. I'm a chaser of making things right and healing. So for me this has been so hard, but it has to be done, because I'm not The Fixer, I'm not The Healer! Go figure. ;)

I'm going to end on this quote again from "Praying God's Word". This quote expresses the importance of this journey. If you are dealing with unforgivness, friend it will kill you before it kills your offender. Trust me I feel the effects of this daily in my life, if there is one thing I can speak on is the energy wasted. Anyway, here is the quote:

Unforgivness is not a self-contained disease. It defiles many. When life heats... its acid boils forth, burning everyone it touches. Neither is forgiveness self-contained. It heals many. When life heats... its living waters overflow-refreshing everyone it touches.-author unknown

This is why its so important to me. And that is why I encourage any of you in the same place as I am. I end with this prayer, blessings everyone:

O Lord, I desire not to grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom I was sealed for the day of redemption. By the power of Your Spirit, help me to get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. I desire to be kind and compassionate to others, forgiving others, just as in Christ You forgave me. (prayer taken from Eph. 4:30-32)

Strange Community

I like to develop community in strange places. I don't want to just keep community within a "church" context. I have had the fortune to have my LMC (Laundry Mat Community), but I also have been slowly developing community at my neighborhood PetroCan. I know that sounds strange, but I know there is a guy there that I have slowly been having some neat conversations with. They are mostly short conversations, but over time they have developed into more then "hi. how are you?" type discussions. When I first met him he had a cool mohawk and had that whole punk/gothic thing going on. At one point he had cut it off and we talked about that and even discussed later him growing it back. He now has very short hair, doesn't look as "odd" as he once did. I asked him last week when he was going to do a mohawk again, he smiled and said that sometimes you just have to grow up. I smiled in that knowing way, I guess sometimes you just do. Today I found out his mom works at the PetroCan as well. She is a neat lady. I have talked to her a couple of times. Anyway, its just another place to go and not have assumptions put on me. I'm not expected to be one thing or another. I just walk in and have slowly allowed a flow of conversation happen. I have truly enjoyed it.
Another place I have truly enjoyed community is at our favorite restaurant, East Side Mario's. Blake and I love to go there because they have NTN Trivia there, but we have also enjoyed community with the workers there. We have learned some about their lives and they in turn have learned a bit about our's. We had not been there for awhile, but recently we went there. We both had to laugh because the workers there got on to us for not being around. It wasn't one of those things where they missed our money, but one of sincere wondering where we had been. Its nice and one again so encouraging.
I want to develop more relationships like this. I think these are the relationships that impact the kingdom the most. They to me are where Jesus is. I wonder if any of you have developed anything like this and if you haven't, I truly encourage you to do so. :)

Blessings guys!!!

My Mood Is:

*comes in sits at the table and hands everyone a nice cup 'o joe or what ever is their liking*



BUMMED!!! Unky Moods hasn't been working the last two days. I'm not sure what is going on. I hope that something didn't happen and they had to shut down or something. :( So today I'm bummed in case some of you were wondering. ;) I know at least one person was curious enough and mentioned it in a recent e-mail. HA

Tonight or maybe tomorrow I will have a blog about my journey on the road to forgivness. I have been reading two books that have really been helping me along and I thought I would share them with y'all. :)

Hope y'all had a good weekend. Happy Canada (late) to all the Canadians and Happy 4th to all the Americans! :)

The Hidden Sin

There is a new hidden sin in this new age we are in. Christians are falling for it every day. Its easy to excuse this sin, because no one has to know. You can hide it so easily. It can be rationalized so easily. Its a nice hidden sweet sin. What is this new hidden sin? The lack of integrity on the internet. The lack of honesty on the internet. It is the Christian Internet Community. Its so easy. You can go to any message board that claims to be a christian internet community pick a name, and we can make our net persona be or do anything. It doesn't matter what our persona does its "just the net", no one knows who we are as our persona. So we slowly start reasoning our behavior. Get in a flame war, no need to apologize or take responsibility, "its just the net", say horrible things about a brother or sister in Christ, doesn't matter "its just the internet", lie about behavior, it doesn't matter "its just the internet". And we start thinking to ourselves, "hey what I do on the internet as ________(enter your net name) doesn't matter. no one knows its me and hey, it doesn't reflect who I REALLY am!"

Aw, but my friend it does. This is the new hidden sin for christians. We can come to the internet lack any kindof integrity and reason it off as "its just the internet" or "hey, that is how it is. people do crazy things that aren't like themselves on the net." I recently had someone say that to me and it floored me. So our christian life only should be played out in "real life". Christian life should be played out in all parts of our life. We should hold ourselves up to the highest integrity even on the internet. The internet is not a place to excuse away bad behavior, it is just another place to act your faith.

I wonder how many of us think of it this way when we are at Christian Internet Communities? I know of one person who does not think of it at all. Their internet life is something completely different from their real life. Is this wrong? For me I say it is and it is not worth the double standard. All I know is what you do on the internet speaks loud and clear of who you are outside of here. How you treat people on the internet speaks loud and clear how you would treat people outside of it. In Christian Internet Community even more it matters. In most of these communities you are acting out your faith or working out your faith (for OOZERS) these people are people you will be in heaven with, these people are your family, they are part of the body. You abuse them, their trust, their personhood you are abusing God's son or daughter and your brother or sister. This is so frustrating and disheartening. I guess Satan has given us one more thing to be able to compromise in our head and justify. I pray we wake up to this new hidden sin.

Good Mother

I love this song by Jann Arden. Every time I hear it I get torn up. Its so haunting and beautiful. Here are the lyrics if no one has heard it before:

Good Mother
{ Jann Arden/Robert Foster }

I’ve got money in my pocket
I like the color of my hair
I’ve got a friend who loves me
Got a house, I’ve got a car
I’ve got a good mother
And her voice is what keeps me here

Feet on ground
Heart in hand
Facing forward
Be yourself
I’ve, I’ve never wanted anything
No I’ve, no I’ve, I’ve never wanted anything so bad…so bad

Cardboard masks of all the people I’ve been
Thrown out with all the rusted, tangled, dented God Damned miseries
You could say I’m hard to hold
But if you knew me you’d know
I’ve got a good father
And his strength is what makes me cry

Feet on ground
Heart in hand
Facing forward
Be yourself
I’ve, I’ve never wanted anything
No I’ve, no I’ve, I’ve never wanted anything so bad…so bad

I’ve got money in my pockets
I like the colour of my hair I’ve got a friend who loves me
Got a house, I’ve got a car
I’ve got a good mother
And her voice is what keeps me here

Feet on ground
Heart in hand
Facing forward
Be yourself

Heart in hand
Feet on ground
Facing forward
Be yourself
Just be yourself
Just be yourself

Feet on ground
Heart in hand
Feet on ground
Heart in hand

jann arden richards and robert foster
polygram songs, inc./
girl on the moon music (SOCAN/BMI)/
pannel ash publishing (SOCAN)

Live8

I'm watching Live8 at work today! Coldplay was amazing! I can't think of any acts in Canada I'm looking forward to really, although they are crossing their fingers for an apperance from the Rolling Stones, which would be really cool.

At any rate, I hope these concerts bring awareness and people start changing some part of thier lifestyle or contribute in some way to help the poverty and AIDS in Africa, but as well in their own respective country.

How can you get more info and help, click on the Make Poverty History banner on my blog. :)

Found this verse and it seems so fitting for today:

Psalm 31:9 "Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

Another Recommendation!

Ok, this is just for "us girls". Sorry to be Miss Recommendation, but this product rocks and I have to get the word out. If anyone knows me, you will know I'm a HUGE makeup snob! I have always said you will not find me wearing anything from a drug store nor Wal-Mart. Well, hell has frozen over! ;) I have bought a product from a DRUG STORE! *huge gasp* I recently went to Shoppers Drug and found this foundation, it called CoverFX. Girls if you struggle with bad skin such as acne, red cheeks or other facial discoloration you MUST try this stuff. It is excellent and worth its price! I have had very red cheeks for along time and have never found a foundation that could cover it up and not show how dry my skin is. This makeup is awesome, so much so that I now can actually wear blush! YIPPEE! ;) Anyway, I just had to share this information. Click on the title and it will take you to the web site for more information. For my friends in the States, sorry girls its not available in a lot of places, I guess that means you will have to come for a visit to see me! ;)

Life In A Box Pt.2

I was reading something of Blake's and thought it fit so well what I just said in "Life In A Box".

Blake said:

"To borrow an illustration from Plato, perhaps we're cavemen, sitting in a cave, watching shadows on the wall of the cave created by our fire. We have never done anything but watch the shadows on the wall. Well, there's a whole world outside the cave that we don't even know exists, but in our minds, all the truth in the world is contained in the shadows on the wall, and we pronounce our understanding of the world as more or less complete. But if we were to leave the cave, we would learn that there is so much more to the world, and our past understanding of "truth" is therefore deemed incomplete, to say the least. We may have been more comfortable looking at the shadows, life in the cave may have been simpler, but to retreat to the cave just to have that simplicity is, well, foolish and dishonest. We always need to be aware that the things we consider "simple" may turn out to be a great deal more complex, seen from another point of view. Simplicity is not, and should not ever be, a goal in and of itself in interpretation. Simplicity for simplicity's sake more or less guarantees rather ridiculous conclusions, especially in biblical interpretation. "

Good stuff here! And I feel is a nice side to what I shared as well. :)

Blessings!