Intergrity

My dad has taught me alot about having intergrity. I want to always have it and walk with it. Sometimes I find I struggle with it, because intergrity means you sit in silence sometimes and other times intergrity means you stand up at the hardest. In the book "How Good Do I Have To Be?" by Harold Kushner he talks a bit about intergrity, intergrity in guilt and forgiveness. Alot of his words ring through my head today. The back of his book states:

"No one is perfect. Yet many people measure themselves-and others-agianst impossibly high standards. The result: guilt, anger, depression, and disappiontment.
In this inspiring bestseller, the author of When Bad Things Happen To Good People puts humans shortcomings in perspective-and teaches us how we can learn to accept ourselves and others even when we and they are less than perfect. Drawing on the Bible, modern literature, psychology, theology, and his own thrity years as a congregational rabbi, Kushner shows how acceptance and forgiveness can change oru relationships with the most important people in our lives and help us meet challange of being human

Wow! Alot said in the backcover!

And the intergrity issue sits square in my face. It tilts it's eyes squarely into mine and then grabs me by the wrist and takes me to a place I don't want to go. I want to stand before God and feel right, and God says "No, child" I look at Him and I scream, "FATHER, I STOOD IN INTERGRITY! I STOOD FOR WHAT YOU HAVE TAUGHT ME" and He smiles from His thrown, lays His hand upon me, I shudder at the touch, and He says, "Then stand some more." I fall to my kness and say with tears and lips trembling, "I can't Father. I'm tired. Please, I can't do it, you do it for me, please Father I beg! I need you to do it!". He laughs, pulls me and says, "My sweet girl. I have been trying to. But you keep getting ahead. You have always been that way, but remember when you stood accused of gossip and you wanted so badly to do what you always do, jump in head first, what did I do for you then?" I can't even look in His eyes, the memory of that time just flows, "You, Lord, slowed me. You told me to walk in quiet intergrity. I didn't see the result for along time, until one day the accuser came to me crying..." "and what happened?" I wipe a tear from my eye, "You became real that day and justice didn't matter any more." He smiles and wipes the tears," You do remember, then trust in me again. Stop looking for the loud intergrity, go to the quiet place and I will carry you through the rest." I walk away, scared, scared of myself, scared of others. But knowing some how He will do the rest.