Anxiety

picture from John McFarlen

I deal with anxiety. This picture best shows what it feels like to me. The walls start to close in, my heart starts beating crazy, and I have a whole wave emotions that I can't control. Today has been one of those days. My chest hurts, the walls around me seem so close that I'm going to cave and a stream of heavy emotions keep falling on me. I hate days like this, it makes it so hard to work and be at work. Blake can normally help me by just staying calm and helping me breathe, but today he is sacked out in bed. :P Not too many people understand what it is like to have anxiety attacks, but in my life they are real. Sometimes I can figure out the trigger and avoid it so it doesn't happen again, unfortunately today I don't know why its so hard to just calm myself.
I wish I could be home today, lay in bed, watch Angelus play in his world, wonder what he is thinking and have Blake there with me sharing in the fun. That seems like such a calm place to be. Instead of being here and trying to deal with all these waves that keep flowing over me.

Ok, so on a happy note:

Today I watched Oprah. I normally don't watch that show a lot but today was a good to watch. Today's show was about making Wildest Dreams Come True. I was inspired by a family she featured. The story of this family was based around twin sisters. Apparently, they had a learning disablilty that plagued them for years, all the way up to their last years in Junior High. They were failing and were realizing their dream of attending Baylor University was about to slip through their fingers. The summer before they were to enter High School the girls sat down with their mom to turn it all around. They worked hard around the clock to pull up their grades and that they did. By their Senior year they were in the top 20% of their class and were accepted to Baylor. Then another wrench was thrown into their way. Their Dad had been having problems holding a job, through no fault of his own. He could always provide for the family but there was no money to pay for Baylor. The family decided to help make their dream come true they would just sell their house to support the girls while going to Baylor. ENTER OPRAH! ;) Although Oprah helped them in a major way, what really was amazing to see was what the twin's siblings did for them. Without the twins knowing the brother and sister had been working over time and working odd jobs to raise money for their sister's to go to Baylor. They were able to raise $!0,000 for them. I was so amazed by the commitment of that family. In a world today that has a "me" attitude this family showed that strong families are still alive and wanting to see what is best for each other. Oh, by the way, Oprah was able to get sponership for the girl's and their full 4 years at Baylor is now paid for and the family does not have to sell their house! So on a rough day I did have one thing that gave me a smile. Thanks Oprah! ;)