I think there comes a time in our lives when we have to decide what boundaries we are going to have. Its hard sometimes because you don't know which are the good ones and which are the bad. Blake and I have had to do a lot growing up the last couple of days or week really. We have had to see who is toxic in our lives, who is creating drama in our lives and what we are going to do with it. Its hard to look at someone and say to yourself,"they are toxic, they are drama, hold your boundaries". I tend to open my arms to people, I love to do that, but I have had to learn the great lesson once again of boundaries. So Blake and I sat down today and decided what we needed to do with certain toxic people in our lives. If felt good for once, together, deciding who were going to let in our world and who we were not. Yet to also say, some of these toxic people we can't avoid, what do we do in this case. I don't know if we will handle it right the first time, but I guess we are on the road to boundaries as a couple. I think this has been the hardest thing as being married and learning to be one. As well, learning to trust each other in this as well.
I say all this to ask, as a couple (married if possible) how have you learned this lesson? What is your advice. I will tell you what Blake and I working, we are working together (purposefully) to have a quiet life. Meaning, learning to filter drama and learning to filter toxic people. So knowing I have some experienced readers here I ask for your advise. It is gladly welcome.
5 comments:
wow! Congratulations for realizing that you gotta to do that and for deciding to work together to find solutions.
I think it has been hardest for us (being opposites, of course) to accept each other's boundary recognitions because we often have not agreed about whether or where to set them.
What have we learned? To give more consideration to each other's viewpoint.
There was a time in life that riding roller coasters would freak us out.
Riding roller coasters isn't a big deal anymore. We realize the point...and enjoy the ride.
I could do that or I could be like that or even I've been like that or even even ;) I am like that.
I say the above whenever I encounter someone who grates on me. We are all just a few life circumstances away from being the person we most depise.
Sometimes we need to spend time in log removal rather than splinter extraction.
Acceptance (unconditional) is the first step of love. Reconciliation can only happen if acceptance has paved the way.
Why do people behave the way they do?
I wish it were that simple Rick. We have tried so much to allow certian people into our lives. We have allowed grace to flow, but there also comes a time when you see the destruction they have caused in your life and there must be boundaries. I can look at them and see them as human, but I can also look at them and see their toxic behaviors and how they can effect us.
I actually know why they behave the way they do. I was apart of them for along time until I realized the old saying, "you are who you hang out with". I looked around and I didn't like what I looked liked. So through careful praying and coming together with my husband we decided boundaries were neccassary. We decided we needed to be adults and no longer live in the past or in High School any more. Maybe one day we will sit together and the full the picture of what I'm trying to say here will be clear, but all I know is boundaries aren't a bad thing when you see someone toxic coming your way or that has been your life and have poisned and abused who you are.
Its sad, but true. I expect there might be reconcilation with some of these "toxic people", but it will come through healthy interaction,not unhealthy as it has been.
"I wish it were that simple Rick."
me too Jewels. It probably is...usually it's us who complicate things.
Is it Christ's life within you that desires to restrict certain people from involvement in your life?
Isn't it His unconditional love & acceptance (flowing through us) toward the undesirable, mean and unlovable that draws the lost and confounds the religious?
The proud may resist His love flowing through us...but should we purpose keep them from experiencing it by keeping them at arms length or further?
These are questions I ask myself all the time.
We make it complicated.
God makes it simple...and easy...if only we had eyes to see.
I hope the above doesn't come off sounding trite or "holier than thou"...but hopeful...
I think we are going to have to agree to disagree on this one Rick. I know what we felt impressed upon by the Holy Spirit to do. that is the best we can do. thanks for you words Rick. you always help me see a different view. :)
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