PDL Dead Head Following

I saw this on someone's blog, I can't remember now who (I'm sorry). Anyway, this is so funny! Click on the title, but the picture should give you a good chuckle anyway.

Life In A Box

I think we live or at least I live my spiritual life way too much in a box. We (including myself in "we") then have the gull to ask God to work inside that box. So life in the box has to always meet the standards we have made our box to be. No exceptions. We sometimes change our box, we had a new look to it, some neat dice, some new couches, we even may change some "rules" some just surface stuff, but sometimes it is deeper than that, all the while though we are still in a box. We still expect God to make Himself comfortable in there as well.

But I wonder if we allow ourselves to break out of that box? I know I have slowly been breaking out of each one, trying to not claim one stage of my life and the absolute or the final answer. What if we allow God to help us break through? One thing I have learned as of late is the willingness to stay in these boxes, even if I do redecorate the box all I'm doing is staying in the same place. I'm not allowing myself to go on a journey with God. I'm not allowing full growth.

Same with our church communities, but this is a larger box. We come in our individual boxes and all sit together, not confronting each other, just gathering. To that we will sometimes change the look of that gathering, again just changing the environment inside the box, but staying in the same place. Our communities aren't breaking out of any boxes but just staying in the same place. We are not helping ourselves in our communities if allow this to stay the same and never change. Not only will we become stagnet (at best), but each church community will at some point wither and die.

How does this begin? I cannot speak for the church community and how this begins. At this point I'm not exactly thinking that the church community will accomplish this. On a personal side, it is a complete surrender and honesty. Its a complet fall out with God. Meaning you stop defining your journey, instead you allow God to define it. Its realizing you are in a box and that you have made it, not God. You will see change. Some of it radical, some of it not so radical, but you will shake your world. I find this place a hard place, as most of my blog can attest, but I think it is worth the fall.

Maybe this entry is more for myself to remind myself the journey and the importace of it, but I would like to think I'm a voice in the desert that might be calling to others. I pray I help move people out of the norm.

Recommendation

This is a MUST have for anyone who is food challanged. ;) Blake and I were heading to T.O. the other day as I told y'all before to see Lydia and Drew. Anyway, we stopped and got some fries for a vendor and I dropped a fully ketchuped fry on my clothes. I begged Blake to stop at Wal-Mart to grab one of these so that I didn't look like a dope. Let me tell you this thing works!!!! I was able to walk the streets of Toronto and hang out with people without look stupid, well ok I had other things that confirmed this, but at least I was able cover ONE thing up! ;)

Can We Live?

Since some of y'all don't go to TheOOZE I want to share this here as well. I just get excited when I read something so awesome as this.

I was looking at Rudy Carrasco's blog Urban Onramps and he linked to a really cool article. Here are some quotes just in case you think you might pass;

"In case people haven't noticed, a double-minded message lacks power. The curse of my generation isn't that we don't have something to stand for; it's that we don't have the integrity to back it up. So while everything else Nick Cannon may do from here on out could be a total disaster (isn't he the same guy that made a song with R. Kelly called "Gigolo"?), it is my ultimate desire that he not do anything to jeopardize peoples' ability to receive the truth. Right now, he has my respect. "

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So what will it take to touch the next generation of potential child-killers? It will require that the message be made relevant. Here's a hint to pro-lifers: relevant might not look like you. Moreover, it probably doesn't sound like you either. This is America folks, not the GOP (contrary to popular belief, the two are not synomous). "

Here is the link to TheOOZE as well. I don't know how much discussion will come of this, but you can at least watch if some does. Or post some comments here. :)Go here to watch any discussion that may come at TheOOZE.

Blessings for now!

P.S. Just click on the title for the blog from Nykola. :)

SoGood

I'm trying Soy Milk. I bought some chocalate soy milk today. It tastes really good. I'm wanting to make some healthy choices. I have said off and on I was considering going vegaterian. I don't know if I will, but it seems like a healthier lifestyle. Who knows. I have decided recently to do some more reading about it. If anything I think I'm going to add more things like soy products to my diet for sure.


On Another Note:

Our betta is a fighter. Although he is slow and not is zippy self he is fighting along. I keep pushing him. Or in my mind I am. I put his beloved bell back in the tank and it seemed to perk him up a bit. He might go sleep in there after awhile and rest. He has eaten some, so I'm glad about that. He is just still slow going. We will have to watch him the next couple of days. Major lesson learned in the Kennedy household this week for sure. :P
*UPDATE*
Our sweet Angelus died just a few minutes ago. (11:00 PM) I have never really had pets so excuse me for being way sentimental. Angelus was my baby. Although it was sad to lose Cordy, losing Angelus was the worst. He was such a sweet fish. He loved "talking" to Blake and I. He would come to the front of the tank, float and just chat away or maybe making fun of us. Anyway, I just lost my first favorite fish and I'm heart broken. I know that sounds really silly to alot of you, but it broke my heart.
I will miss you Angelus! Loves always- Mom!

Anyway, its been a quiet weekend. Blake and I are kindof like newly weds right now, not wanting to leave each other. I'm now regretting the decision not to go to work with him tonight. :P Its just hard when you work there already to know that if you spend the night there you have to come back after so many hours. On the other hand my husband is there and I want to be with him tonight. *sigh* I hope y'all are having a good weekend!

Blesssings!

Look At What I'm Reading Now...

John has been encouraging me to read Sue Monk Kidd's book The Secret Life of Bees but I have not found it, but I have found her newest book. I'm not very far but what I have read it seems to be an excellent book. I will keep y'all updated and if it is a must read for y'all. :) To check out the book and Sue Monk Kidd just go to her website: The Mermaid Chair. Blessings!

A Must Read!

graph from real live preacher

Y'all really need to read this! I found this on Liquid Thinking and thought I would share it here. Do as normal. (points at title)

Searched And Known

Seems as though the train of thought for today is catchy! ;) Check out the entry from Searched1. :) As always click on the title.


God Gave Me That Story

You know those moments when you realize or have an "ah ha" moment? I had one of those today. I told y'all the story earlier today about my most embarrassing moment. If you have not read it, just go to the next entry about my night with Lydia and Drew. So I was telling Blake I was going to run to the grocery store. I open the door and I hear the fire bell going. It sounded like they were testing it today. I decided to walk down the stairs and check the mail. But I keep hearing the short rings. I pass the elevator door and I hear a voice calling for help, with also some beating of a door. I realize the rings I have been hearing was someone trying to get help because they were stuck in the elevator. I pound on the door and scream "can you hear me?" I get a soft voice saying back, "YES!!" I told the voice to hold on that I would get help and be right back.
Well one thing leads to another and I find myself in front of a closed elevator door and talking to a voice. I ask her name and she tells me her name is Jeni. We start talking a bit, passing the time while waiting for help to arrive. One of the other tenants decided to call the fire department so I let her know what is happening on that end. She didn't say anything back for a long time and then I hear her small voice again and she says with hesitation, "well,that's embarrassing." I laugh and tell her, "nah, this is nothing! now what happened to me last night WAS embarrassing!" So I continue to tell her my story. She laughed and said it helped her not to feel so embarrassed. A few minutes later the fire department arrives and 40 min. later the elevator guy shows up to get Jeni out. When she got out her first thing was to ask which one was me. I put my hand up and she stepped forward and gave me the biggest hug. I was so glad that today I was able to help someone. That although I couldn't get her out of that place, I could help her relax and not to be as worried. I was even glad God gave me my embarrassing moment to help her along as well. :)

Just thought I would share that with y'all. It was a neat thing, even though Jeni nor I would have wanted it to happen, we entered each other's lives today and I think made each other better for it.

Drew and Lydia

Blake and I caught up with Drew and Lydia last night in Toronto! We had a wonderful time. We walked all around T.O. Even went through The Village, which was interesting since this weekend is the Gay Pride Parade. There were tons of people in T.O. At times I felt as though I had been so isolated. All of those people all around me at times was almost sensory over load. :P

Anyway, we had a lovely dinner at the Keg Mansion. Yes, dad we went to THE KEG! ;) LOL It was a nice dinner and good conversation. We had the funniest waitress. We decided she was a bigger spaz then me if not in competition. ;) We really enjoyed her.
We then walked some more, talking, and looking around. Found our way to Starbucks in Chapters. There I had my first most embarrassing moment. The store was about to close. So I excused myself to the bathroom. I enter in and start minding my business. I heard someone walk in and I notice they are using the restroom,but realize this was different. To my shock I realize I'm in the MEN'S restroom. I had to stay in the stall until this unsuspecting gentlemen left. I was lucky enough to leave without being noticed, but I can honestly say I have never done that and I pray it never happens again! UGH!
Other than that we had a wonderful time with the newly weds. :) I'm proud to say that I'm one of the first OOZER to spend time with them, with exception of Shok and Tammy,but they don't count. ;) Anyway, thank you Lydia and Drew for a wonderful time! :)

Blessings!

Fears Of The New Age

I walked into our office because I heard my husband typing up a storm. I looked over his shoulder to see what he was typing about and I saw a question that made me think. The question:

Gentleman, are there any simple passages in scripture? Any that warrant a clear and simple reading in your humble estimation?

I don't mean this as an affront on the person who asked this question, but there are some concerns within this question that I have. I'm just going to post my reaction to this and maybe some comments.

First, the thing that came to my mind was a question. The question I would ask anyone who said this would be, why? Why do we need scripture to be clear and simple? Why is that God needs to map out every thing for us in the bible?

The next reaction I have to this is the under lying thought here. The thinking that we need for God to be simple and clear. In the Christian life I don't think we can think of many situations that were clear and simple. So this leads me to another question, why bottle God up? Why put Him in a box and say these are the only peramators that He will work in?

The last reaction is a statement. The moment we think scripture and God are clear and simple He will break us and our world. We can never and will never have a clear and simple understanding of scripture or of the character of God. Not this side of heaven. We are sinful people. We are swayed by much around us. We have constructs and a lens that we use at all times that at best is foggy. The only thing we can truly know is the salvation of which God offers through His Son, Jesus (but even then, many scholars have long struggled with this as well), but much of everything else is not clear. There are so many things that we need to remember when looking at the Word of God. That is holy, the Word of God. To say that we can read the Word of God and fully get a clear and simple answer is almost saying we can fully of the mind of Christ. How arrogant of us. We also need to remember when reading the word is the human construct. Although the men who wrote the word were lead by the Spirit, we cannot deny their human hand on the paper. This is why we cannot take scripture, lift a verse out and say with all absolute that we have a clear and simple answer. To do as such is dangerous to us and to the mind of God.

If I could encourage anyone person, I would encourage them to put back the mystery of God. The mystery of His Holy Word. But also to take away the box and the frame work that we have so hard tried to put Him in. When we allow ourselves to enter the mystery. Allow God His holiness back, then can we truly start a journey that is of faith, humbleness, and growth.

Its So Hard To Say Good Bye

We lost our first fish. It was really sad. I was hated watching her suffer, oh yes, this was one of our balas, Cordy. She quit eating and it was just painful. We did everything we could think of to help her, but nothing worked. I'm just so sad about it. You get these pets and fall in love with them and its just heart breaking.

On other matters, I'm now suffering from the same fate of my husband. I cannot think of anything of substance to share. I hope y'all bear with me. :P I have alot on my mind and none of it seems to come out the way I want it to. If you looked at my box here you would see a ton of drafts. Anyway, I finally have a day off tomorrow with my husband! This is our first day off together in a long time! We have different things to do, but later that night we are going to meet with Lydia and Drew for a night on the town! Anyway, I hope all of you are having a good week!

Blessings!

I'm So Excited And I Just Can't Hide It...

I just found out that David Boreanaz, a.k.a Angel, will be returning to t.v.! Yippe!! He will be on a new show coming to Fox called "Bones". How fun! Although it isn't Angel, its nice to see some familar faces returning to t.v. I for one will be looking forward to this show! :)

The Stones Cry Out!

Not much to say right now, but heck that isn't a bad thing when you can read something really awesome from Andrew Jones! :) Click on the title and enjoy!

Seems like I have been doing that alot lately. I'm sorry for that. I have been just maxed out at work so the creative juices, ect. just aren't there. :(

Why I Don't Listen To CCM Exclusively Any More

I have had been confronted with this question more than once. I have even asked myself this question. So, I thought that I would explorer this a bit and share my opinions.

When I lived in the states I pretty much had my picks of Christian music radio stations. There was American Family Radio the Christian Right Wing radio station (not a fan), Air 1 the Alternative Christian radio station, and K Love the Contemporary Christian radio. I normally switched between Air 1 and K Love or I would just listen to my cds. At the time it was also all that my friends were listening to as well. I was apart of the praise team so it made sense to always be listening to that stuff. One of the main reasons I continued to listen to CCM was because I could relate to most of it, they sung and wrote about songs that meant something to me.

Enter Canada!

There isn't Christian radio here. I think there is one station, but that station is in Buffalo, NY. So for me to even get that channel is a challenge. So this tested my thoughts on why I listen to CCM and where I stood. As time has gone on and I have been taken out of the Christianesse vortex or the Bible Belt, I guess you could say I have gone through a detox. Anyway, I now have kindof gone through a bit of a 360, maybe not that extreme, but close. So here are the reasons I don't listen to CCM Exlclusively:

1. The lyrics. For the most part I have found a lot of CCM very cheesy. I find no depth to them.
2. The marketing factor. It seems a lot of groups and singers now come to CCM because there is money there or fame is there. Or they just mass produce some kindof music to keep the kids from listening to "worldly' music.
3. I have found songs in the "world" that speak to me about God or about my journey that I would have missed other wise. It has also helped me talk to others instead of being from some other planet type thing.

These would be my top 3 reasons. Although I still listen to some CCM, Watermark, Derek Webb and David Crowder, I just find that I don't lock myself into one thing to listen to. I think CCM can become a legallistic to the modern Christian and I also think it can be away to section ourselves off from "the world". Although there have been times that I would like to be more updated as to groups that are out there in the CCM world I have found that I'm no worse. I have found that it has been good for me to not rely on the milk that is offered out there, but to search for something meatier. I would encourage anyone to take themselves off the CCM for awhile and see what happens. I'm not encouraging anyone to drop their relationship with God, I'm saying seek Him in new and different ways and see what happens. You never know what God might use to change you, to reach you, and help you reach others.

My Give A Damn's Busted

I think you could sing this to alot of people and there are some I would love to dedicate this song to. ;) I found the words to this song today so I thought I would post them here for people who are so tired of someone, something, or just plain done. I hope you enjoy! :)

Well you filled up my head
With so many lies,
Twisted my heart
'Til something snapped inside
I'd like to give it one more try
But my give a damn's busted

You can crawl back home
Say you were wrong
Stand out in the yard
And cry all night long
Go ahead and water the lawn
My give a damn's busted

I really wanna care
I wanna feel something
Let me dig a little deeper
No, sorry...nothing

You can say you've got issues
You can say you're a victim
It's all your parents fault
After all, you didn't pick them
Maybe somebody else has got time to listen
My give a damn's busted

Well you're therapist says
It was all a mistake
A product of the Prozac
And your codependent ways
So, who's your enabler these days
My give a damn's busted

I really wanna care
I wanna feel something
Let me dig a little deeper
No, still nothing

It's a desperate situation
No tellin' what you'll do
If I don't forgive you
You say your life is through
C'mon, give me something I can use
My give a damn's busted
Well...

I really wanna care
I wanna feel something
Let me dig a little deeper
No, man.
Sorry
Just nothing.......no

You've really done it this time.
Ha ha

My give a damn's busted

"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right." -- Bill Cosby

To my wonderful Dad, Happy Father's Day!!! I love you tttttttthhhhhhhiiiiiissssss MUCH!!! *arms stretched out* LOL Dad, even though our relationship is abusive and dysfunctional your 50% percent was right! ;) (btw: if some of you are gasping, the place where I got my very dry sense of humour is from my dad,this is a joke with my dad, my sister and I have)

And to the rest of you Dad's out there that might be reading this and you have a young daughter, be her first date. My dad was mine. He would take me to all kinds of things, ballet, movies, and orchestras. I always loved that. I think that was one of the coolest things about my dad, he made special time for each of us kids, but as a daughter I can honestly say it was very special. So if my dad gave me any example at all and advice I could give a dad from a daughter, be there first date! :) And Happy Father's Day to you as well!!!

Thoughts From The Silence

So far at work today things are very quiet. *knocks on wood* I had a couple of thoughts so I decided to share them here.

FIRST

I really miss my friends the Wilsfords right now. They are on my heart today, which means I'm praying for them, knowing there might be a reason for the thoughts. So, John and Ann, I know y'all have a lot on your plate, but know I'm thinking of you and missing the MSN Church time.

SECOND

Sometimes through TheOOZE I have met some people who have had a profound impact on my life. Some of them in fact have become some of my closest and most cherished friends. One that comes to mind along side the Wilsfords is my friend Andrew. The only difference with him to the Wilsfords is that Andrew and I have never met "face to face". What I find so interesting about this friendship is the bond that we have. I know I speak for myself, but Andrew is a dear friend and brother in Christ, but what impacts me the most is the closeness we have. Its the same I feel for Ann and John. These friendship are so sweet to me. They are purposeful, they are raw, and they are very much the church. Andrew, for me, has been the person who taught me to give trite, sugar coated Christian answers is not helpful. You could almost say he took off some of the lacquer edges. I guess the best way to put it is by a quote that he said and I know it is ok to use this:

so my fields of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby have been ripped open, the purple sky is torn, and the rampant chaos is my reality and I am just trying to crawl under a rock

Andrew, if your reading this, I know that right now this quote still might be true for you, but as you know I'm here, cheering you and Wendy on and I have my arms ready for any "holding up" that y'all may need. I have also missed our MSN times. :)

THIRD

I used to think in my struggles in relationships that I had to find some justification. I didn't want to let God silently bring His justification. I wanted Him to hold court for me, so that I could stand and know publicly that what I knew privately was right. Lately, I have been ok with the private knowing. I'm slowly learning the importance of keeping my integrity in check and keeping perspective of His full plan. I have also learned to be happy with what I have done, knowing that I haven't left any stone unturned in the quest of making sure I can stand before God knowing by the hand I judge I will be judged. That to me right now is the most important thing. That even if the relationships I struggle with never are mended or the person never acknowledges their part that it is ok, because I have done what is right before God. That I made sure that the stick of which I judge is the stick I lay before myself. In other words, treating others as I would want to be treated. This is a huge step for me right now. I have not allowed myself to look at how far I have come. I have focused so hard on other things, that I never acknowledged the true depth of the lessons I HAD learned.

Also, I have been more comfortable in what my friends think of me. I used to worry and be so upset when someone said they didn't like. I would have to prove them wrong or find away to change things. I don't feel that way any more. I'm looking through the eyes of my friends now and what someone who doesn't truly see me says doesn't matter. I'm finally at a point where I'm more comfortable with what those closest to me think than those who have shown they could careless. I also see the comfort in my Father's eyes. Caring more about what He see and for once, seeing the good He sees in me. I'm not at the crap end of His stick, I'm just in the process, I'm on the journey with all its curves, corners, hills and valleys. I for now or at least this moment am ok with that. I haven't felt that way in a long time.

Anyway, I hope this wasn't too mushy for you or too sweet. ;)

Blessings!

It Just Sounded Good

I just added Jonathan a.k.a KeepinItReal (KIR) to my list of links. For some reason whenever I think of Jon I think of Snoop Dog and his slang. So I put by his link "He's the gizzle in da hizzle" Now to me I think it sounds funny and it makes me smile, but then I realized I have a running history of doing things that I think are funny or I have seen in movies and to find out its not a good thing. Such as doing the Italian mob thing, by taking my hand under my chin and flicking it at someone, I think I saw it in The Godfather. I did this once to a freind of mine, thinking it was funny, and Miss Erin was not happy with me. I guess my look clued her in and then I was educated. The list could go on. Anyway, is saying Jon is the gizzle in da hizzle a bad thing? I'm just wondering because although it makes me laugh, I don't want to be slide slapped. Any help in this matter would be good. :)

Oh, and if I offended you Jon in this matter I apologize for having a really bad sense of humor. If you liked it and it made you smile, well it was planned that way. ;) hehehehehehe

Just BE

I saw this at an article I was reading by Paul Fromont. I loved it! I liked the article as well,btw. You can link to it by the title.

My Name

*NOTE*
This is a statment to cover recent events with various people. They know who they are, but in an attempt to cover all my bases I'm publicly making this statement. Please, if you have linked to me do not think this is a way of me telling you not to link to me. This is for a specific situation and to confront some questions as of late.

On blogs you cannot always control who is going to link to you. I have found a couple here and there that I don't like linking my name to their blogs. I have always e-mailed the person, letting them know although I cannot control who they link to on their blog that I ask them not to because of certain reasons. One took it down, they were very understanding. One did not, they explained why they linked me and from that I understood and now have no problems. Another one has ignored my e-mail altogether (which is what they do anyway). So I just want to say upfront, I take seriously those who use my name and those who link to my blog. I find the ones who have linked to me a very high compliment, such as finding myself linked to Brooks' blog today (thanks, btw), but at the same time there are people and things I do not want my name linked to. For that reason I want people to know that just because I'm linked in certain places does not mean that I agree with the person, that I support that person, or you will find things here that are like that person. I only say this because I have had some recent events that push me to bring this up.

So, with that I'm also going to say, some people who are reading this are friends that I'm not near any more. I know that some of what I say here might be shocking to you and not the "Jewels" you knew. We all change, we all go through this journey and take the path that God set us on. Although somethings have changed about me, I still have the same heart, I have passion for seeing Christ's body to glorify Him, to see His Body reach every tribe, nation, and tongue, and I desire to see myself being apart of it. That is why I have kept the "a268chic" theme on the net, because it is largely who I am. I hope I have in no way embarrassed you, confused you, or angered you in what I have shared here. So this leads me to my next point...

This blog is a "life journal" of sorts. It is as it says: Thoughts, Rants, Laughs,Bad Grammar And Misspellings of One American Girl Trying to Make It Work In Canada. I have found here in Canada I have hard time finding my voice. I have found here I can express that voice. I can get out what I'm thinking in my head. Its also a place to work out things that God is doing in my life, what I see God doing in the Church, and about this very popular "movement" the Emerging Church. I do not think this blog can fully judge or say who I am, because I do not always resolve here. Meaning, I don't always post my concluding thoughts, because sometimes its still a work in motion. Some (one person in paticular) has judged what I say here by saying, "... it seems that you...enjoy ridiculing those who oppose you, as can be clearly seen from your blog(s). As soon as someone opposes you, there is a huge reaction and write up online. I'm not sure why you do this, but maybe it's to feel some sort of vindication for.....?" Again, this is a "life journal" and what is happening in my life. Sometimes there are things going on in my life that I write about and sometimes they are just things I'm working out in my head or things that I may have discussed with my great MSN Church friends. If there is a post here and you think its a reaction to you or ridiculing others (which I have never done, ok Rick Warren, but come on the guy has it coming ;) ) than you might be reading WAY too much into what I'm saying, but it is upon the reader to ask questions, either privately or in comments. I gladly take kind criticism and kind questions to help clear up any confusion. As I'm sure a lot of readers can attest to already. Also, it needs to be understood that it is apart of our nature (hybrids, thinkers,ect) to come off as critical or maybe even as ridiculing to those who may not be apart of that journey. I have found that we (hybrid,thinkers,amphibian Christian,ect.) speak almost a different language than others. This leaves us feeling misunderstood, the readers (or listeners) confused and some of the time leaving angry or upset with one another. Know that I try to make myself as clear as possible, but it needs to be acknowledged that you may not understand where I'm coming from because you may not be where I'm at and visa versa. I ask that if you are reading this to understand, I'm on a journey as everyone else, I may make mistakes, I may say things I regret later, I may come to a new understanding later, but I will continue to share my journey here, in all its messiness, in all its beauty, in all its craziness and I do not expect everyone to get it. I just expect people to come here, get what they need or to just know there is one other person out there who knows what it is like. If I can at least link to others and make ourselves better for it than that is all I want.

Blessings!

P.S. Upon finishing this post I was e-mailed by the third person I said that was ignoring me. I wanted to acknowledge this as to keep this honest, real, and authentic.

No Mans Land

Sometimes it feels as though you are in a no mans land zone. On this journey I have been on a quest to be more authentic. Yikes, did I say that horrible buzz word? I guess I did. I could even up the anty and call it being more real. Double yikes. I don't know what other words to use. I just looked up what authentic means at dictionary.com and the overall theme is being real, being trusted, not counterfeit. I don't want to be counterfeit. I want to be trusted and because of this I demand this with everyone around me. I almost feel that if you find yourself in this no mans land that this is expected. But what I'm finding is the opposite.
I don't want to think that I'm demanding something out of people that is unrealistic. Doesn't God call us to be authentic? I mean the 10 Commandments call us to it. God calls us to it every where in His word. His character calls us to it. So I find myself angered when I get around people and thay aren't striving for the same thing.
I find myself disenchanted with the church because of this. I find that people that are disingenuous, dishonest, fake, get highly regarded in community here. I find that the community we are suppose to see is only a reflection of the world, but since we are such "high" Christians its better than the world. Its not real, its not true community. Yet because they claim to be in the no mans land zone I find these fakes out there and it is frustrating. I don't know how to deal with these people. I don't want them in my world. I know, I sound like a kid, I don't want to share my toys or share my stuff unless they can match up to what ever standard.
Shouldn't we that are in the no mans zone be calling out to our brothers and sisters. Taking the stand? Being the prophet, being a Derek Webb, calling our family to something better? Is this an exercise in madness? I guess it might be, but for me I can't seem to get out of this circle. To me this anger almost feels right, but at the same time it is tiring and I just don't know what else to do.

Holiday at the Beach

This is a must read by Brooks. I have really enjoyed what he shares. He just really hits alot of nails on the head and not to mention he is a major encouragement to my husband, which if you are doing that for him right now you are A number 1 in my book. ;) (I always feel I have to share my gratitude in that area, because of certian people lately in our lives) Anyway, check it out and encourage him with your thoughts. :)

Blessings!

Oh, just click on the title.

This Is Fun!

Someone e-mailed this to me. I found it interesting, I thought that I would come out more refromed, but I guess being tied for second isn't bad. :)

You scored as Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan.



You are an evangelical in the Wesleyan tradition. You believe that God's grace enables you to choose to believe in him, even though you yourself are totally depraved. The gift of the Holy Spirit gives you assurance of your salvation, and he also enables you to live the life of obedience to which God has called us. You are influenced heavly by John Wesley and the Methodists

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan 75% Reformed Evangelical 75% Emergent/Postmodern 57% Neo orthodox 50% Fundamentalist 46% Charismatic/Pentecostal 39% Classical Liberal 14% Modern Liberal 7% Roman Catholic 7% What's your theological worldview? created with QuizFarm.com

T-Shirt

I started thinking about this song today about Derek Webb. It seems to fit what I tell some people. Blake and I had a long talk today when going to get some new fish for our tank. Anyway, I think this song fits my mood and what I would tell people. Although I don't know I would say it nicely. *blush* I just think Derek hits a nail on the head.

t-shirts (what we should be known for)
(words and music by derek webb)

they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours
who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare

they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs
they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind
like anyone on earth is living right
and isn’t that why Jesus died
not to make us think we’re right

chorus
when love, love, love
is what we should be known for
love, love, love
it’s the how and it’s the why
we live and breathe and we die

they’ll know us by reasons we divide
and how we can’t seem to unify
because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style
or we’ll walk right down that aisle
and just leave ‘em all behind

they’ll know us by the billboards that we make
just turning God’s words to cheap clichés
says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”
but we hate our fellow man
and point a finger at his grave

chorus
they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear
they'll know us by the way we point and stare
telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours
thinking we can hide our scars
beneath these t-shirts that we wear

Did He Just Say That?

Tommy Hilfiger has a new show called The Cut . For any Apprenctice fans you will get quickly understand the concept. Since at work they have a t.v. for us to watch a co-worker and I decided to watch it. We liked it until the very end where he was deciding who would be the one kicked out. I guess Mr. Hilfiger is just trusting the CBS execs, but the advice they give him for the ousting quip is bad! He looks at the poor girl who he is smashing her dreams and says to her, not very convicningly, "Your out of style, you'll need to take the runway." Ok, gang say it with me, la la la LAME!!! Could not the creative genius of clothing maybe come up with something better of just not say any thing at all? I won't watch the show again with any luck, but I couldn't help feeling sad for Mr. Hilfiger and the bad "firing" line. :P

Mr. Hilfiger, go back to the drawing board.

Hallowed Be Thy Name

I wonder if we believe in the hallowedness (is that a word?) of God's name. There have been times I have listened to myself, other's and how they use His name. Do we think His name is holy any more? In the evangelical world I think we have lost the majesty of His name. I would almost quit using His name if I knew it would enstill in me the scardness of who God is in saying His name.

I think the Hebrew language has something over the English language. God revealed Himself in so many ways in that language. Yet we stick to God and some how that name does not describe all who He is to me any more. It seems we use it so casually and God isn't casual to me. We use His name as if He is our best bud or a toy or just something we sling around.

Can we regain the scared name of God? Can we get to a point that speaking His name isn't casual as saying anyones name? Or have we become so modern in our thinking that we have humanized God so much that to regain His sacerdness with our lips will never happen?

Next-Wave Ezine

For those who ask me alot about Emergent stuff or the Emergent Church you might find this ezine helpful and informing. :)

Just click on the title as always. :)

Blessings!

Head For Cover Plank In Eye Coming IN!!!

*edit* Just found this quote and it fits so well:

Its still wrong even if you don't get caught-God (on a church sign)

I posted this at the ooze, so I post it here maybe for advice from those who don't post here. I admit I'm really depressed right now and I'm looking for encouragement and honest help.

I have been in situations lately where someone has wanted to bring blood out of everyone out of them for admissions and apologies, to the extent of making people apologize over and over for even past mistakes. Although I and others have done what needed to be done, we then confronted the person as well. Telling them they must be held accountable for their actions as well. Instead we either got more speeches about our wrong doing (which had been taken care of) or complete ignoring of their part. I even told them I guess that plank in their really obstructing their view.

How do you deal with people like this? I'm finding myself getting more and more angry at their denial and complete ignoring of behavior. They have been confronted more than once, but still nothing. I find myself getting angry at God now, because it would seem he would convict his people and that his people would repent. How do you deal with people that want to judge you by thier own stick but forget they will be judged in the same manner? I'm frusterated right now and I will be honest there are times where I'm toe to toe with God and if something doesn't give...

Anyway, how do we as christians handle the plank in someone's eye when we honestly trying to handle the "speck" in our's? And every time they turn you keep getting hit by the plank? I'm honestly depressed right now and I honestly need some answers.

I don't want to say my faith hangs in the balance over this, but I feel I'm about to snap. As I shared in the last entry I'm just at a breaking point in this lesson and I can't seem to learn it and I don't understand why these people keep appearing in my life. I'm angry at them for their denial, I'm angry at their existence, and I'm angry at their pretending to have a full walk with God. And once again here I am wondering why I'm held accountable, why God puts so much conviction on me I have to do something, makes me miserable that I have to do something, and I look at the others and I feel like the child who got in trouble for breaking the cookie jar and the whole time it was my big brother who did it. I can't live this way and I don't know that I can live with God this way. I'm at the point again that God is some where weird and I can't figure out what is going on, once again God is playing by the strange set of rules I have never seen before. Anyway, maybe there is help and hope out here.

A Lesson Never Learned

I feel like always under my Father's hands, continually under development, continual smashing back down and building back up.

I feel that there are lessons I never learn though. One is with people who don't come to an acknowledgment as I do. I'm someone that if I get corrected my ears perk, I listen, I level it out, and then I respond. I don't get people who don't do the same. And for some reason I don't accept them into my life. I tend to be harsh with them and then put them "in their proper place" in my mind. The last several years have been for me that I have had more than one person like this in my life. Someone who ignores their deeds, but want to make sure you are underneath them. So the wheel spins and I react the same way. Try to hold them accountable at all ends, become angered by their denial and pretending and become more angered. So I keep hitting the brick wall.

Then I feel the wheel turn and my Father's hands start pressing in. It hurts more because I learn once again I'm not getting the lesson. I learn again, I just don't get it. So the wheel is turning, God's hand is moving, but I don't understand the lesson He wants to teach me. Forgivness? Letting go? So many others, but for some reason these are the lessons I don't know how to learn.

Prayer

I found this at Jordan Cooper's blog.

Its a form of prayer. Try it out. :)Lava Prayer

The_Soulsurfer

A Story

Jesus slumped against a tree and tried to get his back comfortable as he stole a few moments of much needed rest. He twisted his neck until it cracked, and rubbed his weary eyes. As he reopened them, in his returning focus he saw two disciples standing over him, backlit in the afternoon sun.

“Jesus, can we talk to you?” asked one disciple.
“We don’t want to bother you, but this is pretty important, we thought you should know.” Added the other.
“We saw something that needs to be dealt with right away.”

Jesus sighed; he had an uncomfortable feeling about where this was going.

“There is a guy out there,” one disciple said, waving with his hand towards a nearby village, “who is casting out demons in YOUR name!”
“And it may not just be one guy! It may be a whole movement or something!” interjected the other disciple
“And Jesus, he’s not one of US!” said the other.
“Not even related to one of us!”

The disciples were red-faced and panting as they waited for Jesus’ response.
“And?” He asked.
“AND? Jesus, this guy may not even hold to the traditional views of hell! Where’s he gonna send demons when he casts them out?”
“Not to mention the fact that when I asked him about truth, he got all dodgy on me saying faith was more important to him than truth. Anyone who won’t answer questions about truth is obviously hiding something!” said the other disciple, narrowing his eyes and looking side to side to imitate how sneaky these types can be.
“This guy is dangerous Jesus, he has to be dealt with.”
“We have to warn the other disciples, then the village…”
“And then we need to deal with this threat directly. He’s got to be stopped!” interrupted the other disciple.

Jesus groaned.

“Let me get this straight…this guy is casting out demons, right?” asked Jesus.
“Right!” said the disciples in unison.
“And the demons are leaving, right?” he asked.
“Right!”
“And he’s giving ME credit for this release from bondage, correct?” Jesus prodded.
“That’s it in a nutshell!” shouted one disciple excitedly. “So what do we do?”
“Should we get the other disciples and go get him? Should we gather stones?”
“Or do you wanna just fry him with lightning where he stands? That would work! The nerve of this guy, going off without foundational values, without an authorized view!”

Jesus saw him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw that Deviant Imp dancing, clapping his hands and chanting a chant, “Fight amongst yourselves! Fight amongst yourselves! Fight, fight, fight and you’ll NEVER cast me out!”

Jesus slowly rose and stood on his weary feet. He placed a hand on each disciple’s shoulder and looked from face to face.
“Here’s what I want you to do. Listen carefully… are you listening?” He quizzed.
“Yes Master.” They replied.
“I want you to leave him alone. Don’t bother him at all.”
“But JESUS! This guy’s…” Jesus shot a look at both disciples that made them think better of arguing.
“Hear this and hear it well: Whoever is not against us is on our side! Leave him alone, don’t you dare interfere with him.” Jesus looked each of them in the eye.
“Hear me?” he nudged.
“Yes sir.” They said together, looking at their feet.

Jesus walked away, across the road to another tree. He sat down and slept.

selah

Dedicated to friends and loved ones who have been "him".

Thanks Rob for your stories and sharing your talent

Encouraged; I Guess It Can Be Done

I posted recently about the thread at TheOOZE on The Intellectual's role amoung us.... I has turned into a very good conversation. Both sides right now are truely talking out there bias, thier struggle,ect. I really encourage OOZERS who are thare and have not jumped in to do so and if you aren't a OOZER join up and join in or just lurk and learn. You can access the thread through the title of this entery! :)

Blessings!

Now The Night Is Over

Well, the night is over. The concert has come and gone. FIN LOL

The concert went well, there were three sets to it and our first one wasn't good,but not bad either. We tripped over some words and I forgot a line, embarrassing, but not un-repairable. The other two sets went without a hitch. They were amazing. Everyone did a good job.

I don't share this to brag, but to share the experience. I was able to sing a song I wanted to sing for so long, Holy Roar. I nailed the words, vocals could have been better, but the emotion that I was able to bring to people was amazing. I have never looked at a crowd realized I made them silent, that I moved them so much they couldn't even clap. It took them a few moments. At first I thought,"man I must have sucked", but I looked at the crowd and their faces told the story. Some had tears, some had excitement, some had their eyes closed with their head back, and some I can't begin to explain what I saw. I know what I felt, I felt a release, I felt like a story I had kept for so long I was going to bust from finally being able to share it. Anyway, it was a unquie moment for me. It was also fun to watch the crowd respond to our special singer Tom Ward when he sung "I Pledge Allegiance To The Lamb", I'm not a fan of this song, but it always seems to capture a crowd and Tom did a wonderful job bringing them in with that song.

Anyway, we were able to record it onto cd and if someone can tell me how I could put a couple of songs on MP3 or something so y'all can hear some songs. Anyway, e-mail me or put a comment in giving me hints or something. LOL

Blessings!

Prodigals Journey

I love reading my friend John's blog. Although he may post something short, it isn't just a bite size chew. Its something you must think on and pushes you to think on.

His newest post, you can access through the title here, is about dysfunction. I have addressed this in alot of different posts this week. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-T-YPT 2, Servant Leadership(although I didn't say the words),and various other post about the body of Christ. I was addressing dysfunction, although at the time I don't know I would have called it that. I have come to a larger knowledge of this dysfucntion and I have become increasingly disenfranchised with people who are in the body who say they see it, but only to find out they have become so entranched with the lies of the dysfuction they become apart of it even more.

I don't know what the answers are. I do know that the questions I have must be potent because they have yet to be answered and met with anger and denial. Maybe I'm asking the wrong people, because I'm asking them to the people in the dysfuction and I should know that people that are living out their lives with insane thinking would give insane questions and I guess that makes me even more insane (insane=doing the same thing over again and expecting different results) to continue to chase them with my questions. I guess I want to see hope and I think that if I can continue to beat out my questions it might be out of them some honest answers, that then lead to change, growth, and complete fellowship with the body of Christ. There are times I feel like a prophet, I don't want to pretend I am,but I feel like one, I'm screaming to my section of dysfuction and I'm telling them,"Guys, I woke up! My eyes can truely see. I have been healed! Look with me. He has shown me a better way, will come with me and find it?" I keep looking at God and wondering and saying to Him, "you want me to do this alone?" I don't know. What I do know is I'm in the desert, I have friends here, they see what I see even though we might be in different parts of the desert, but we are still in the desert and we wonder a loud when will others join us?

I Am...

Cordelia Chase! Blake gave me this quote from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and it would be what I would say, but with more words I'm sure. LOL

Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.

touché. It is what I would say for sure. I don't have time for pretense. I would rather be honest and up front with people. I don't have time for games, I used to. I used to play games and I just don't any more. I'm going to tell you what I think and the truth. Although I could flower it up some I find that I, like Cordelia, pass it up. For better or worse at least you know where I'm coming from and at least you know I'm not hiding behind something.

Concert Tonight

So tonight is the night. Alot is going on in my head. There are two songs that I do struggle with so I'm praying for God's grace tonight, that I get the notes and rythem down. I realize learning by hearing has hurt me with these two songs. I think I may have to take some kindof music lesson. I would like to learn notes, ect. Something to look into, I think it would improve my performance and learning curve alot better. I have natural talent, by all pretense, but I don't have the fundementals of it, which I'm now seeing the importance. Anyway, I'm excited, nervous, all those feeling before you do a public deal. LOL

I hope y'all have a blessed weekend!

And They Took A Deep Breath...

Ok, so the sound check/dress rehersal went well. It went better than I thought it would. We did have some problems, but they were easy to correct. Anyway, pray for us tomorrow. :) I would love them! Alot has been on my mind and I'm showing the "wear" of it, as there were times I spaced out and messed up words. Anyway, just pray for a peace of mind, heart and that I let God shine through me as well as the others!

Y'all have been such a blessing to me and I'm so glad to know you will support me even its miles away! :)

Blessings!

Butterflies In The Stomach

So tomorrow is the big day. The benefit concert is here. Wow! I'm so nervous! My stomach is filled with butterflies and I think I want to vomit! (sorry for the tmi) Tonight is a "dress rehersal". Pray for me guys. There are a couple of songs I really struggle through. It sucks because I learn by hearing. Like Mark Lowry says, I don't read music, it looks like a bunch of white and black boys jumping over a fence. And for the most part that is what it is to me. So these towo songs are a challange for that reason. So any prayers you can lift up would be appreciated. I may post later to let y'all know how it the practice. Ok, so deep breath and here we go! aaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhh.............. LOL

This Song In My Head

I keep hearing this song over and over in my head tonight:

I Will Never Be


I will never
Be the same again
I can never return
I've closed the door
I will walk the path
I'll run the race
And I will never
Be the same again

Fall like fire
Soak like rain
Flow like mighty waters
Again and again
Sweep away the darkness
Burn away the chaff
And let a flame burn
To glorify Your name

There are higher heights
There are deeper seas
Whatever You need to do
Lord, do in me
The glory of God
Fills my lifeAnd
I will neverBe the same again
And I will never be the same again
© 1996 Word Music

Cease Fire

Hey guys! I just want you to know how much I appreciate your loyality to Blake and myself. It means so much. I just ask that the "fire" cease. I have been lurking the last several days and for the most part I have felt it was/is warrented, but I have to trust in the Lord that the truth will be brought out. I also pray that God will bless you for your loyalty, for being able to see through alot of smoke, and just being great lovers for the Lord and finding His character in all things. Let our words, who we are shine through that.

There was a time at THEOOZE where someone was attacking me and some other mods there. They (the upset poster) had a thread about us, it hurt so much because I knew the truth, but I stood in silence, confided in friends who lifted me up in prayer, and soon enough God was gracious and proved Himself right and glorified. I pray this happens in this situation.

I also know many of you are disillusioned about alot of things. Let me tell you I'm praying for you! I lift you up, because I know what it is like to have a Christian mentor step "out of bounds" and trying to pick up the pieces after the fall. I want to remind you, even the greatest of us fall, its what we do with it after that shows the true heart of the person. Don't be discouraged, but trust in the Lord and know I'm praying for you!

As I have offered before, you can e-mail me any time. My e-mail is in my profile. :) I'm not opening comments on this one and would rather not be any comments on this here. I just wanted to say something since our voice, Blake and my, have been silenced in other places.

I leave with this verse, it is my verse and I love it:

"Yes, Lord, walking in the way of Your laws we wait for You. For Your name and Your renown is the desire of our souls!" IS. 26:8

May it be so with all of us!

Is It Possible?

I have seen alot of conversations happen at TheOOZE. I have been apart of the message board for 3 years now and the web site for 5 so I have seen alot of conversations on intellectualism. Well, its being talked about again. I wonder what will come of it this time.

Its funny the guy who started the thread Rick and I went round and round on this subject a couple of years ago. Its funny what time and growing in the Lord has done for the both of us. Its a testiment to God's love for Hid body to bring unity to even those who would never think they would be in unity. :)

Anyway, I hope y'all pop over there and watch the conversation. If you aren't apart of TheOOZE I encourage you to join in. Its a nutty place and you can find all kinds of stuff and people there. Lurk, share, laugh, cry, whatever, I have yet to see a conversation not tried there so don't be shy!

Oh, and just click on the title to find yourself at the discussion that Rick started or just to check out TheOOZE. :)

C-O-M-M-U-N-I-T-Y,WHAT DO YOU HAVE? PT. 2

The boss peered over the desk at me. I looked down at him and once again looked at the "In" Community and the "Out" Community. I realized that almost every eye was on me, but there was set of eyes that mattered. It was the man behind the boss. I guess he must have been there the whole time and I didn't notice. With being so frantic and trying to decide which Community to be in I realized I never saw him the whole time. I wondered how many other's noticed he was there. As I looked deeper into his eyes I realized it didn't matter who saw him or not, I did. I could faintly hear the boss saying something to the "in" community, but it didn't matter, I was too busy trying to figure out what the man was trying to say to me, I knew he was because I could see his mouth move and the way his eyes would gleam I knew it was important. And then realized what it was and what I had to do. I looked at the boss and said, "I would love to be apart of your community, but I realized that the Founder of the Community never had any of us give resumes. Matter of fact he says the Community is open for all. His son paid the cost and as long as we are go to his office ask for the receipt our standing in the Community is paid in full.", I realized what had come out of my mouth and I quickly put my hand to my mouth, but then I realized the man behind the boss had come to stand by my side. I looked at the boss, my stomach did flip flops, he didn't look happy at all, but didn't say anything at all. I looked at the man finally realizing who it was and with that I tore my resume in half, "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm just going to be content in being in The Community and whether you offically accept me or not is fine, but I no longer need to find my place, because my place has always been with the Founder after all." I walked away unsure of what I just did and unsure of what was going to happen, I could tell by the way The Founder was looking at me I was about to enter an adventure. I silently said to him, "I don't know how well behaved I will be on this side of the journey. If I get kindof moody about what I just did will you be patient with me?" He smiled at me, I think we both knew the answer.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From John at Prodigals Journey:

the journey

faith is only valuable in the unkown