C-O-M-M-U-N-I-T-Y,WHAT DO YOU HAVE????

Community. Strange word. I talk a lot about it. I dream a lot about it. I think a lot about it. I have been told how to do it, I have been shown how to do it (in some ways), I have shown how not to do it (in a lot of ways), but the thing that is lacking is having it. Community sounds cool. Community means to me a place of acceptance. It also means to me a place of growth. It can even mean to me a place of thoughts. So all this is cool, but finding it. I don't want to rush, but there is this side to me that wants community so bad, but how bad?

Today at "church" I heard a gentlemen speak. He was about a community. His community that he spoke about was one of being right, knowing who was wrong and so this meant his community had enemies. So, we need to figure out who is in and who is out. Now, he didn't sit out on the playground with the ball in his hand, with the other kid, and between the two picked their teams, no, it was more detailed than that. No, he was the "boss". We all lined up and hand in our resume to him and he asked the all important questions, which are from what he says "the RIGHT" questions and then we are to answer with the important answers which are, yes you guessed it, "the RIGHT" answers. I stood at the back of the line, I like to stand back there, I can watch everyone and see how it is going and adjust myself to that. So as I stood there I watched as he looked over resumes, smugly he would ask some questions, say a lil' joke, and then he would hone in. You could tell the ones who knew the procedures because they laughed knowingly at the smug questions and jokes. Soon you could see the communities build. The "In Community" and the "Out Community". As I got closer I could hear some of the questions and some of the jokes. I realized I was in trouble. I could hear him ask,"I see here you belonged to the Kneeling Community, hrmph, interesting.", he peered over his desk to the man,"um, yes..." Before he could finish the "boss" jumped in,"Well, I can see there is a problem already..." and soon he went into "blah, blah,the Bible says,blah,blah,now answer this, blah, blah." When the man tried to interrupt and answer the question the "boss" would quickly jump in and tell the man what his answer was. Quickly enough the resume was handed back to the man wrinkled and torn. And was quickly pointed to the "Out Community" and the boss looked at the "In Community" said some joke that they only got and they all laughed together. As I got closer I realized my resume had problems as well. I was apart of the Water Community at one time. I had already heard him say a couple of thoughts on the community I had been with previous and I got to hear the laughs of the "In Community" about them. I started to look around anxious. I realized I wasn't too far from having to hand in my resume. My palms started to feel wet and tears started to fill my eyes. I quickly thought that maybe I could erase some stuff, so I quickly started trying to erase, but then my resume started looking really dirty. Well, I knew that wouldn't work. So I thought that maybe if I put on some of the "In Community" clothing that maybe I could slide by, I saw others do it. They just did a song and dance and quickly found themselves in the "In Community". I looked ahead, one more person dismissed to the "Out Community", I didn't catch the entire joke, something about a "Joseph" someone, whoever that was the "In Community" knew to do the same smug chuckle. I looked over at who was in the "Out Community", I could see some angry faces, I could see some hurt faces and some of sheer confusion. Then the question hit me, "how bad do you want community?" I looked up and saw another person dismissed. "Is this what you want? To be under "the boss"? The people who seem to be under his "spell" seem like puppies or is that cats, I remember him saying something about one of them, anyway, is that what I want?" All the sudden I heard someone saying, "Miss, Miss, MISS!!!" I looked and realized I was standing in front of the "boss". I looked at him, I looked at the "Ins" and I looked at the "Outs". I stood there frozen. "Miss??"

I don't know how bad I want community. I don't know if I can go week after week handing in my resume, listen to the smug jokes, then the smug laughs. I don't know if I can dishonor my heritage and things I believe from that heritage to please people. I don't know that I can pretend I believe we have everything absolutely right. All I know is, I heard a sermon today and walked away feeling confused. I don't know how bad I want community. I just know at the end of the day I need it, I guess I'm starting to wonder what I have to give up to be in it.