I feel like I'm in Wonderland. Or as a song I love called "Welcome To Delaware". Things are strange here. Although there are some similar things here in this land there are things that are not. Most of the time deceiving. I remember once when a friend and I hit a rock bottom together. We fought and we fought hard. The neat thing was, is that God brought us together in such a powerful way. It was amazing. I gained so many tools during that time. I honestly thought that God had freed me of years of unforgiveness, bitterness, and anger through that time. I gained so many tools. So here I am in Wonderland with these tools, excited, because I see a situation that I know these tools will be needed. The problem? These tools don't seem to work here. They are all wrong. Even the character of God, the one I grew to know is so different. I don't know how to react. In some ways I have tried to grab old tools, tools that hinder more than help, in some ways I put a mask back on, one that I thought God and I took off together. I'm strong, I have a lot of spunk for God, but underneath it all, I'm hurt, I'm confused, I'm angry. I keep going to the alter with God, laying this Isaac down and as I'm going down the mountain it appears again. To me this Isaac (metaphor) isn't one I would think God wants me to continue to deal with. It should be one that He would laid and kept at the alter. Why keep putting it in my path? Why keep putting it square in the middle of my healing? So I have learned in my Wonderland, my Delaware, that this path of healing is different, the alter I keep going to is different and I'm not sure how to do this, I'm not sure how to,pause, I was getting ready to say "use God" in this. Wow, of everything I just typed, I think for me was the most powerful. I don't know how to "use God" in this. Wow. I think I'm going to leave that there for now.
I hope I'm not grading one y'all. I find this place to almost be my sanctuary, I used to call it "Jewels' Playground" and in a sense it still is. I hope y'all bear with me and walk this journey on this blog with me.
Blessings-
Jewels
5 comments:
walking the journey with you, confident that you will find your way
Rick so much that I wish I had said. Just know that God is good, and He is faithful.
Other than that, I think He's palying with different rules than us.
And I think you are one of His special children.
Keep on keeping on. I believe on day, you'll look up and see God walking along beside you -holding part of the load. and crying in your pain and laughing in your laughter.
john
I'm excited for you Jewels...in the same way I'm excited for myself and others who are "seeing" anew. At times you feel scared, at times alone, at times stupid or the fool...but...in the deepest part of you, you've measured your past...and found it miserably wanting and a pale existence in comparison. You're alive...and not 'just' alive, but alive "in Him". You've eyes to see that aren't dependent on formal education, experience, age or maturity, just reliance on the Spirit...keep them open and trust He'll show you the kingdom...not a place but a new existence.
Luke 12:32 “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.
when you say "in some ways I put a mask back on, one that I thought God and I took off together" this is similar to what I am going through.
It feels like life/God is asking me to got back to willing/making it by discipline which is something that God brought me out of, so why make me go back?
I don't understand but I want to believe that God is in control and that He is good.WB
I don't understand but I want to believe that God is in control and that He is good.WB
I know what you mean WB. I find myself holding onto that strand lately.
Post a Comment