Thoughts From The Silence

So far at work today things are very quiet. *knocks on wood* I had a couple of thoughts so I decided to share them here.

FIRST

I really miss my friends the Wilsfords right now. They are on my heart today, which means I'm praying for them, knowing there might be a reason for the thoughts. So, John and Ann, I know y'all have a lot on your plate, but know I'm thinking of you and missing the MSN Church time.

SECOND

Sometimes through TheOOZE I have met some people who have had a profound impact on my life. Some of them in fact have become some of my closest and most cherished friends. One that comes to mind along side the Wilsfords is my friend Andrew. The only difference with him to the Wilsfords is that Andrew and I have never met "face to face". What I find so interesting about this friendship is the bond that we have. I know I speak for myself, but Andrew is a dear friend and brother in Christ, but what impacts me the most is the closeness we have. Its the same I feel for Ann and John. These friendship are so sweet to me. They are purposeful, they are raw, and they are very much the church. Andrew, for me, has been the person who taught me to give trite, sugar coated Christian answers is not helpful. You could almost say he took off some of the lacquer edges. I guess the best way to put it is by a quote that he said and I know it is ok to use this:

so my fields of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby have been ripped open, the purple sky is torn, and the rampant chaos is my reality and I am just trying to crawl under a rock

Andrew, if your reading this, I know that right now this quote still might be true for you, but as you know I'm here, cheering you and Wendy on and I have my arms ready for any "holding up" that y'all may need. I have also missed our MSN times. :)

THIRD

I used to think in my struggles in relationships that I had to find some justification. I didn't want to let God silently bring His justification. I wanted Him to hold court for me, so that I could stand and know publicly that what I knew privately was right. Lately, I have been ok with the private knowing. I'm slowly learning the importance of keeping my integrity in check and keeping perspective of His full plan. I have also learned to be happy with what I have done, knowing that I haven't left any stone unturned in the quest of making sure I can stand before God knowing by the hand I judge I will be judged. That to me right now is the most important thing. That even if the relationships I struggle with never are mended or the person never acknowledges their part that it is ok, because I have done what is right before God. That I made sure that the stick of which I judge is the stick I lay before myself. In other words, treating others as I would want to be treated. This is a huge step for me right now. I have not allowed myself to look at how far I have come. I have focused so hard on other things, that I never acknowledged the true depth of the lessons I HAD learned.

Also, I have been more comfortable in what my friends think of me. I used to worry and be so upset when someone said they didn't like. I would have to prove them wrong or find away to change things. I don't feel that way any more. I'm looking through the eyes of my friends now and what someone who doesn't truly see me says doesn't matter. I'm finally at a point where I'm more comfortable with what those closest to me think than those who have shown they could careless. I also see the comfort in my Father's eyes. Caring more about what He see and for once, seeing the good He sees in me. I'm not at the crap end of His stick, I'm just in the process, I'm on the journey with all its curves, corners, hills and valleys. I for now or at least this moment am ok with that. I haven't felt that way in a long time.

Anyway, I hope this wasn't too mushy for you or too sweet. ;)

Blessings!