TO EMERGE OR NOT TO EMERGE

O-kay so I have been stewing. I have been angry. I love a website I go to. It has been awesome but lately, well, I'm just not happy. Someone said something that has been hard for me to chew on. They said something like this "you are putting too much burden on yourself and on others." I know that I put a burden on myself. but do I with others. I hope not. I try not to. This really bothers me. It isn't settling well with me. I never want anyone to feel that they have a certian thing they have to live up to. I just want them to be apart of my life and me apart of their's and grow. Maybe I have though. I don't know.

O-kay, to Emerge or not to Emerge,this statement has been going through my mind. To be PoMo, to not be PoMo. Can you even decide. I just know that I'm struggling along in some ways to survive in a church that (to me) does not function as a church. I want so badly to have community. I want so badly to feel connected to something with a greater purpose, I know, I know I am already, but man, there is nothing like being apart of a community that gets "it". That understands God's wonderful love and purpose of His people. There is no greater thing than to walk along with others, to grow, to stretch, to just get on with it. That is my deepest desire. It is a lonely place for me sometimes. Its hard. So maybe that is where the burden of others come in. I put the burden on others and maybe the ooze (the message board I got to) to feed that "monster" in me. I don't know. I don't know that it hopeless. I have found freinds that desire to look at church through a different lens, I'm just sad that I may have hurt them along the way as of late.
So I wonder, is it even worth for me to keep pondering the question of "what should the church be" if there are deeper things that I should be worried about. I wonder if all this is teaching me a lesson and if I'm willing to learn it, that even in the journey there are going to be times that my talk is going to be tested. Maybe this the time.
Then again I could just be taking this too seriously. I might should just sit back and shut up and go back to the playground. I haven't been there in awhile. It would be nice. hhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......................I can almost see the swing and the feel of the wind............................yeah I just might go.