And ONE More Thing

I forget what thread this was on, but a really cool dude by the name of "ultraman" aka Nathan aka Homiebear, said this....

"boxes" are always assumptions. How can you think outside of this box if you insist on saying that is is foundational?-ultraman

I loved this. It has been an ecouragement to me lately. Because of some things going on in my life I have had to once again rip outside another box. I've had to make myself think outside of it. I've learned in the last several years I have to always push myself to think outside of what is called "foundational", because as soon as I say something or a beief I have is "foundational" I find out it wasn't, it was just another box I tried to define God in. If anything this past year has taught and in my silence of not blogging as much is that God is always calling us outside the box and its up to us decided if we are going to tear out of the box or just stay nice and warm inside the one we've always known.

Almost Right

So my friend Lydia posted something on TheOOZE from my friend Ann. Its most excellent. However, me being the ever so critical one I'm going to point out some things that were missing from this list. Here is the link. click here

Ok, so you "read" it. I'll say this, its pretty dead on, but I'll say this as well. It forgot some major things in my eyes. For one, no picture of people just gathering? Come on, that is like the number one thing for us "PoMos"/ECers. Not all gatherings have all the fancy stuff, the prayer walks. I know at TheOOZE one of our fave things to talk about is just gathing at a pub and talking out stuff. I guess to say, not all who fall under the banner of "PoMo"/EC worship in a building setting.

Next and I have to say, I'm REALLY disappionted....what about the negative way we use PDC and Rick Warren? huh? huh? I have fought hard for my negative use of those words and I want that added to the list. And I'm not the only one who has fought for the negative use. *stick out tongue*

And...aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnndddddd what about Don Miller? HELLO??? Blue Like Jazz???? Searching For God Knows What???? Oh, can such a wonderful writer that has spoken to SO many of us be looked over?

Even add to that, Derek Webb!!! He is like a modern day prophet to the church through music. Speaking the things most of us think and know!

See the thing is people only scratch the surface of this whole "PoMo/"EC" thing. So many of us that can be put under that banner show once again, we cannot be pegged down, we cannot be defined. So there take that you blogger who blogs things!!!!

Yes, some of this is tongue and cheek. I loved the blog, but still come on..... ;)

AHA!!!!!!!!!!

Drew Costen, a friend of mine posted this at TheOOZE......

This may sound crazy, but when I read that I think: Good, then we’re getting somewhere…

Speaking only from my own experience, these times when you get the most confused, when you seem to have the least grasp on the answers, are the times when you are really progressing. I know it sounds all backwards and counter-intuitive, but I think what Justin is describing is great and totally spot-on. Because I think there comes a point where if you aren’t confused then you simply aren’t paying attention, or you’re possibly lying to yourself. Seriously, it’s only people who are actually trying to figure things out who become confused. While nobody wants to wallow in uncertainty forever, I think it’s really healthy and natural. And it’s also sort of awesome to reach these small breaking points where it seems like every turn you make meets with criticism or failure. Because what that does is strengthens you against needing outside validation. Everybody makes you feel guilty or says you’re doing something wrong? Now’s the time to really assess for yourself if that’s the case and what needs to be done about it.

This was after he quoted from a blog. Hit the link to read the entire post. At any rate this is my response to him and I thought I would share it here.

I know this will be shocking for you, but I welled up in tears as I read this. I think some where deep inside me I knew this, but felt guilty for even putting words to it.

So often I keep hearing people say, "where there is confusion, there isn't God". The thing is, I've found in my confusion and uncertianity that is where I find him. I feel safe and at peace, because I know some where his will, if you will, is there. That when I think I have this "mother" figured out, my life gets shaken and I find myself back in uncertianty.

And as you say at the end, I'm finding it becomes more and more about God and I. No one fits in the math. I'm not looking for what others want or what the easy answer might be, but I'm in honest relationship with him. It looks messy, it looks like my spiritual life has some how gone to "pot", but it hasn't, I'm in growth and I'm being honest. How often when we are in the "know" do we become cocky and if we look no growth, no new strength in our faith. I guess I've been living in the deep question for about a year now, maybe longer, sometimes I think I must look so weak to others, but then I look to God and I see I'm stronger.

good stuff, Drew! Thanks!!!!

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

Just A Personal Word

Alright, so I'm doing this public and it will embarrass the fire out of her, but I don't care. ;)

Jade, thanks for our talk today. You have no idea how much it floored me and helped me. You are an amazing person and I want you to know you gave me strength today.

You Say

I have recently gotten into Saving Jane. Anyway, I only get the songs I like, but a friend I passed a song to me when I passed one to her. Anyway, you ask where I'm at. Well, here I am....

You Say

Saving Jane

I've been calling and calling for you

But you answer and I shut my mouth

I've been searching and for you, but myself

I don't want to be found.

You say

I am

You say let go

You say belief

But it's not that easy for me

You say wait

You say right now

Don't you see your already one foot at the ground

You say

I've been wicked and wild and wrong and I've wondered the price of my shame.

I've been hiding my face for so long it's a wonder that you know my name.

You say come home

You say I'm here

You say there's some things you just can't control.

You say let me

You say belief

Why do you search for the answers you already know?

You say

I am the way and the light and the truth

Don't be mislead by the flight of your youth.

Have faith in the things you can't see to belief. what if you had faith in me?

You say rest here

This is your home.

Don't you see that you knew I was here all along?

You say

Angela Shelton

Hey y'all. Many of you know how I feel about Angela Shelton and her movie "Searching For Angela Shelton". Anyway, it is now going to be shown on
Lifetime April 22, 2006. I really suggest y'all watch if you can. Its really an amazing movie and eye opening. So please, please mark it on your calender.
Here is what the Lifetime website says about it:

Filmmaker Angela Shelton journeys across the United States meeting other Angela Sheltons in an effort to survey women in America. She discovers that, like her, 24 out of the 40 Angela Sheltons she spoke to have been victims of violence. The Angela Sheltons teach the filmmaker about forgiveness, faith and the power of the human spirit, no matter what your name is.

Anyway, I hope y'all look into it.

Later!

Hey y'all! I'm back from my trip. Very tired. I have been feeling like everything is going by me so fast this week. I almost feel that is how life is right now. I'm going slow on the highway and every thing around me is zooming by. As if everyone is living their life and I'm not. Its a weird place to be.

Anyway, had a good trip. Hope everyone is doing well. Hopefully will be up and blogging again soon. :)

From The Desk of The South

I'm on vaccation. I'm in Kennett, MO, home of Shreyl Crow. ;) LOL Anyway, just letting y'all know where I'm at if you don't hear from me. I know some have sent me some e-mails and since my parents are on the accient "dial-up" my internet time is short because I just can't take it. LOL

Couple of thoughts and when I get home I will follow up on them....

1. I feel sorry for out kids in church. I don't think they will ever know what to do with God or their faith in the simple places.

2. Racism and mild stupidity is alive and well in the South. I think I've lived in Canada for so long I thought this didn't exist.

Hope all is well.

READY?!?!?!!! O....KAY!!!!

So this morning I'm dressed and ready. I'm going to a church service. Yes, I said it, I am going to a church service. Don't faint. ;) LOL I'm not sure what to expect, I'm going to a lent service. I have never been to one so I decided to go. We'll how it goes. I'll let y'all know.

Sin?

picture by James Orah;link on the right for more of his art.

Ok, so on the lines of "sin". Knowing we are all behind that curtain to me is almost comforting. At least I know I'm not a lone in the "sin factor", but here is the deal, I know if I walked out from behind that curtain the others will poke their nose out and judge me. We all know it is true. Its much easier to deal with what is behind our curtain knowing someone else has it "worse" then us. Just a fact of life.

The other side of the coin. What if what we are hiding behind the curtain isn't a sin, but just who we are? God's creation, people who will NEVER reach perfection here on earth. I think we want our list so that we can say what is a sin and what is not. I think it comforts us, because then this whole "sin thing" is under lock and key. We understand it. But what if, what if we all just said, we are sinners who Christ died for. What happens then? The list doesn't matter so much, at least for me. My "sin" doesn't matter as much as knowing I'm a "sinner".

Just something to think about. At least something I have been at least.

Behind The Curtain

Would it surprise you to know I have a "secret sin"? One that no one knows about. Because of it I feel like the man behind the curtain. I let everyone see the acts, the tricks, the "game", but if you came to the curtain, pulled it back you would see the real me. Controlling what you see, showing just enough of my "true self" so not to really get anyone on my scent. I don't know what I'm going to with this "sin", but its there. It haunts me. I guess, when I'm ready to open the curtain then I will be ready to live life. I guess. I'm not sure any more. Sometimes I feel I live in complete confusion. I guess maybe we all do. I wonder if we just all admitted we are the person behind the curtain. I wonder what would happen. Would it make it easier to open the curtain and be more "real"? Who knows, I guess we may never know.

Over And Over

I have this song on repeat today. Thought I would share. LOL This is a song by
Nickel Creek, off their album Why Should the Fire Die

"Doubting Thomas"

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath

Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me

Will I discover a soul-saving love

Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas

I took a promise

But I do not feel safe

Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face

Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward

If there's a master of death

I bet he's holding his breath

As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas

I can't keep my promises

Cause I don't know what's safe

Oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth

When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie

Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs

That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs

Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas

I'll take your promise

Though I know nothin's safe

Oh me of little faith

T-Shirts

Someone asked what I meant about "becoming God". I think the song "T-Shirts" by Derek Webb describes what I'm talking about. I heard it today and so I thought I would post the lyrics. :)

they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear

they'll know us by the way we point and stare

at anyone whose sin looks worse than ours

who cannot hide the scars of this curse that we all bare
they’ll know us by our picket lines and signs

they’ll know us by the pride we hide behind

like anyone on earth is living right

and isn’t that why Jesus died

not to make us think we’re right
chorus

when love, love, love

is what we should be known forlove, love, love

it’s the how and it’s the why we live and breathe and we die
they’ll know us by reasons we divide

and how we can’t seem to unify

because we’ve gotta sing songs a certain style

or we’ll walk right down that aisle

and just leave ‘em all behind
they’ll know us by the billboards that we make

just turning God’s words to cheap clichés

says “what part of murder don’t you understand?”

but we hate our fellow man

and point a finger at his grave
chorus

they'll know us by the t-shirts that we wear

they'll know us by the way we point and stare

telling ‘em their sins are worse than ours

thinking we can hide our scars

beneath these t-shirts that we wear

Oh, Come ON!!!

I watched to interviews with Sasha Cohen today. I couldn't help but think as she was putting on her big smile and her lil' speech, "oh, you know I just enjoy the sport, its not about the color of the medal", that I wanted her to say, "you know what it SUCKS. I can't believe a moment in time I worked so hard on..." LOL You know sometimes it would be nice to see that. To know that when you are looking at one of your moments in time where you failed big time and to see someone pubicly say, it SUCKS when you fail. Maybe that is just me, but I'm kind of tired of seeing us dress up "failure".

Broken Hearted

What do you do when your heart has finally just broken into pieces and you look at God and you wonder....

God, when do I feel the pride of feeling as though I'm winning, that all the things I brought to you were worth EVERYTHING. That for once I laid my head down, because I was so tired and I wake up and what have you done? Why me, why this life? Why now? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where did you go? I look at what I thought were your feet and its trash bags and what I thought was your thrown is a dumpster. What did you have me wake up to? I look to my right and my enemy is living in the green pastor, safe from harm, safe from the bad things. I look to my left and my friend, is so blessed. They have the love they wanted, they have the security you promised. I look dead center and Lord, what have I awoken to? What is this place? Why didn't you place me on the left or why didn't you place me in the right? Why here? This isn't the life I signed up for.

So I sit here with my heart broken, torn, and I'm lost. I wonder if my life will be the same or if it will be some strange life outside of what I was told I deserved in "church". I'm sure to my enemy and my friend I look shameful and they would be right I feel shameful. At the same time I feel pride. I feel honored in my hell. I just wonder, will God stop for a moment and notice me? Will he stop for a moment and give me the blessing? Or will my life continue to be the one I didn't sign up for? OR can I stop the madness, take the merry-go-round and turn it another way? I think I might. I'm tired of spinning.

Am I?

Am I not a Christian if I don't confess or speak God's name so many times a day?

Am I not a Christian if I don't step foot into a door of a "church" every Sunday?

Am I not a Christian if I don't keep myself in some sort of bible study?

Am I not a Christian if I take a step and realize I became God, so therefore I keep silent?

Am I not a Christian if I see God in things that aren't "typical"?

Am I not a Christian if I'm not daily speaking against things "Christians" have deemed evil?

Just some questions as of late.

Ok, So Props To Be Given

I hadn't been to liquidthinking in awhile. I decided to go and see what the guys were up to. See if they could rattle my chain, which if you know them, they are normally good at doing so. HA Anyway, to my surprise they had props to Rick Warren. I almost fell out of my chair, but they had a link to an interview he did on ABC's Nightline. Its worth the watch and I have to say, I liked what Mr. Warren had to say. Yes, that just came out of MY mouth. ;) Check it out. Rick Warren interview

Hoping

I keep hoping unkymoods is going to come back. LOL I probably should delete the template for it, but I can't bring myself to do so. LOL

Another Music MUST!

Please look up KT Tunstall. Its another must. I "happened" on her one morning. I watched her perform and I was taken. Amazing. Her song "Black Horse And The Cherry Tree" is something you'll want to download. :) You won't regret it.

Marketing Christianity 102

Just when you think things have gone from bad to worse they get hellish. I have been getting up ealier the past couple of weeks. Making myself get into a routine, eating breakfast, have a cup o' Joe, and being more overall ready for the day. Part of that has been watching the news. Today I wanted to watch The Early Show because I like watching Survivor and they always have the "newest castoff". So I watch that and they show a promo for the next half hour. In the promo they showed they were going to have a report on "faith based vacations". Well, my interest wasn't peeked I should say, it was annoyed, SO I decided to watch. HA
Well, can I just say we have now entered from "Christian Marketing 101" and class you have moved up to "Christian Market 102". I think we have all heard of the theme park in Florida The Holy Land Experience. (if not click on the name)Apparently their numbers are up and looking to get even more popular. Well, what can I say about that. Not whole lot that none of y'all might not be thinking already. I just watched in wide eyed annoyance and then at the end I scramed and threw a pillow at the screen. This brings me to my full on annoyance and to our class. Apparently there is a Christian Organization that is in Isreal and in talks with Isreal to making a theme park by the Sea of Galilee. You know where Jesus walked on water. Now I just did a look up and my heart is now racing, our "fair" Mr. Pat Robertson is behind this. Click here to read about it.

Guys, when are we going to get it? This honestly makes me want to pound something. I honestly keep seeing this picture of God and Jesus being raped by Pat Robertson and others. How DARE we!!!! How DARE they!!!! Is God so unholy to us that we now have taken it to this? My God forgive us. I mean the I have so many words on this and right now I can't even bring them all together, but to say this is disgusting. I'm ashamed, I'm embarrassed and I'm angry. I'm angry that we have made this culture, I'm angry that we have made God a joke, I'm angry that Christians these days are trying to find ways to market God and make Him unholy, every day, and so many other things. Demons tremble and what do we do? We tremble at ways to market Him. How DARE we....

Google China

I found this interest. Blake found it and I thought I would share it here.

Apparently Google has expanded into China, but China has made Google put filters on their search engine so that Chinesse people cannot access certian information. Here is the link to read more and what one person is doing about it. :)


Google China

Another Lil' Something...

from the_soulsurfer at theooze....




well, that didn't work the way I was hoping for. click here

Addiction

You know when you get an iPod or an MP3 player they should put warning labels on them. "Attention Buyer: Highly addictive due to downloading and finding music". That would be rather nice. ;) I got an MP3 player for Christmas. I think ever since my music obession has grown to new heights. ;)
Here is my list of people y'all need to look up.

• Dar Williams: I love her. She an amazing song writer. Folk/Acoustic.
• Ben Harper: You'll not find a more diverse artist. I think from blue grass, rock, to good ole' gospel, this guy has it. Fave download: Burn One Down and #3. Oh, forgot another good on is Picture of Jesus.
• Amy Ray: The other half of Indigo Girls. I'm really enjoying her album "Prom". Be ready to be challenged, if you have a "anti-gay" thing, don't get this album. I'll just tell ya up front. ;) Fave songs: Let It Ring and Blender
• Girlyman: Just another great trio. They have this really cool indie folk sound to them. I can't begin to list my faves of theirs. LOL
• Jack Johnson: I love this guy. Very mellow sound. Not sure how to describe it. MUST get: Banana Pancakes!!!!
• K.D. Lang: Yeah, I know...LOL BUT her album "Hymns Of The 49th Parallel" is just amazing. Very mellow. Fave songs: The Valley, Simple, and Love Is Everything. But honestly, I love the whole album.
• Ray LaMontagne: Just another amazing artist. I couldn't begin to pick a song of his. Just CHECK him out! Very acoustic, kinda mellow, but EXCELLENT!
• Nickel Creek: Their newest album "Why Should The Fire Die?" is amazing. not typical Nickel Creek, has taken me a bit to get used to it, but I have to say I really like it.

Anyway, just some great music I have found that I'm really enjoying. I have also really gotten back into Indigo Girls. And let me encourage you to look up Derek Webb's song New Law. Trust me you will not regret it. I still need to go and buy the album, but New Law is amazing. :)

Ok, so there ya go, one thing I have been up to. HA ;)

Bye for now!

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion. Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu.. Your convictions are strong and unwavering. You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

Where Am I?

That seems to be the question. Why am I not posting like I used to? What is going on in my head?

Well...not a lot or nothing I feel "safe" to share. Meaning, there are something that I feel best for me to keep in my lil' head. ;)

So, I don't know what to say to y'all. I'm sorry that I have kindof "died out". It was never my intention. Sometimes you look at life and you see it changing before your eyes and you don't know how to react or not react. For me, in some ways I have shut down. I have a closed sign on me and I'm actually ok with it. I have some people in my life that right now need to be and I allow them through the door way and we deal with what is going on in my head and my heart. I don't mean to push any of you away, but honestly, I don't know what else to do. I can't give you anything. I can't give you some great insight. Nor can I promise to even help you on your journey. And I will not pretend I'm wanting to hear anyone give me insight into mine. I'm just here. I don't know what "here" is, but I am.

The thing is, I am disappointed. And how many times can I post on that? I'm frustrated. How many times can I post on that? I'm disillusioned. Again, how many times? I'm angry as hell. Ditto... I have though, found some happiness in this time. God has provided a place for me to wrestle. I'm grateful for it. Its my place and the company he has provided, I pray never goes away. That place, in some ways has given me peace and safety. Although for some they do not see it or feel it, they only see me running, being angry, or whatever, there is a place I can go and be OK.

I don't know what else to say. I'm no where. I'm in a space that is private right now and at times ugly. I'll try to get back to posting regularly. :) I promise to do my best.

All my love and best to you all.

Jewels

Best Thing I Have Seen...

in awhile, this made me smile....

From the_soulsurfer, who I just love...
The title of the thread was as follows:

god will send gays, democrats, and mac users to hell