Where have I been. That has been asked alot lately. How do I explain it.
I have been in a dark place. I still am.
The dark has come around me and I don't know how to get out. I feel the depths of my deeds and the depths of the things I have done wrong. I have been running from my past and I have been running from my future. All I know is that the dark has come and I haven't been able to find my way out.
So this where I have been and this is where I'm at. How do I write things that would only be fake. Things that wouldn't be true. I hate lies, but lies have been my life, but for here. This has been my place of honesty and right now I don't want to admit the lows I have been to. I don't want to take off this one mask that has protected me even if it hurts me at least its a mask that makes me look like I'm together. So how do you write durning a time like this? I don't know. I have calling for evils in my life to justice and the whole time God was calling me to it. So now I'm called and now I'm caught. I'm being called to justice and I can't deal. The conviction is too deep and God's love is too much. How do I write that?
So again, this is where I am, this is where I have been. I'm ready to stand, but I'm ready to give up.
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5 comments:
I'm praying for ya.
thanks Jon. :)
Hey, girl,
don't make the mistake i did and let tough times push you away from God.
We'll all wait until you are ready...we'll still be here!
Jewels,
We've all been here at one time or another if we are honest. I know I have truly felt this way - as recently as the last six months. I know you don't want to talk about it right now, probably you don't even know how. You are too raw, the pain is too great. But just know that we care about you and we will stand like a hedge around you surrounding you with prayer.
We'll still be here when you come through the darkness Jewels, waiting with open arms.
thanks everyone. :) it means alot.
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