Can't Stop Thinking

I can't stop thinking about this short animated movie. Its only 3 minutes or so. Check it you:

Ryan

Don't Loose Ground

Don't loose ground. Keep pushing forward. Can't stay still. Don't let the fear over take you. Its still there, but ignore it. Its better this way. Keep busy. Keep your mind filled. Don't loose footing. Just keep focused on what is ahead of you. You see the darkness, but there is light. Don't fall for the false light keep pushing forward. Ignore the chains that are on you. Just push. Don't reach for the hand. That hand is false. Don't trust. No, don't ask questions. Mask on. Ready for the day.

On The Light Side

I'm addicted to Shoppers Drug Mart. It started off small. I found a foundation there that just rocked my world. Then it turned into more. I found a facial cleanser, then a moisturizer, then an exfoliter and it kept going. It has now reached to even my hair products. I am now fully a Shoppers Drug customer.
Now what does not help this obessession is their magazine you get when you sign up for their Optima Card (points card for purchases there). The magazine shows me all kinds of different things that my eyes all a flutter. In this months addition they had Miss Universe, she is from Canada, Quebec I believe, anyway, her eyeshadow is so pretty on the cover. And of course my makeup addiction, which does not help my Shoppers addiction, went into over drive. I admit I used to be a Wally World addict, but since moving to Canada I find their Wally Worlds less then up to parr. So I guess I have found my new place to walk through and goo goo over stuff. LOL So I thought I would list the things I have bought there over time and tell of the things that I think are worth for you checking into. Now unfortunately I think some of this stuff is Canadian only, so I'm sorry my US friends. :P

1. Marc Anthony Hair Products. I ran out of my shampoo and thought I would try something new. I found his products and they are great. I use his shampoo and conditioner for Brunettes. Its great stuff. And if you have fine hair, his conditioner won't weigh your hair down.
2. Avene-Diroseal. I have problems with red checks. I'm not sure what its from. I can only think its from my sensitive skin. Anyway, this stuff is for localized redness. It works wonders! Amazing stuff.
3. Biotherm/Biosource. This is an exfliant for your face. Its wonderful as well. I only use it once a week. It has done wonders for me and I love it. I also used their Aquasource moisturizer. Another amazing product.
4. Last, Modele. Its a collagen lip treatment. Now, I wasn't using it for the collagen, although I do need it. LOL I love the fullness I now see, but I like the feel of my lips. Anyway, this what they say, "Reduces the appearance of wrinkles up to 30%, Improves hydration up to 60%, Restores volume up to 40%" I have noticed they hydration and the wrinkles. I am seeing more volume, but I don't know if its just me seeing it, LOL, so I'm not going to say at this point. LOL

Anyway, I just thought I would have a light moment and a girlie moment. I just needed a moment to look at something other then the junk around me. :P

Hope y'all are well! Blessings!!!

What Is The Difference?

Tell me what is the difference?
I heard someone say the other day:

"I did not lie, I just took back my word"

thoughts?

I Stand Amazed

I keep hearing this song tonight in my head. Thought I would share it here until I figure out why I'm thinking about it. :P

I stand amazed in the presence
of Jesus the Nazarene,
and wonder how he could love me,
a sinner, condemned, unclean.
Refrain:
How marvelous! How wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
How marvelous! How wonderful
is my Savior's love for me!

2. For me it was in the garden
he prayed: "Not my will, but thine."
He had no tears for his own griefs,
but sweat-drops of blood for mine.
(Refrain)

3. In pity angels beheld him,
and came from the world of light
to comfort him in the sorrows
he bore for my soul that night.
(Refrain)

4. He took my sins and my sorrows,
he made them his very own;
he bore the burden to Calvary,
and suffered and died alone.
(Refrain)

5. When with the ransomed in glory
his face I at last shall see,
'twill be my joy through the ages
to sing of his love for me.
(Refrain)

This hymn is my Dad's favorite hymn. It came to mind as well. :)

Purer in heart, O God, help me to be;
May I devote my life wholly to Thee:
Watch Thou my wayward feet,
Guide me with counsel sweet;
Purer in heart, help me to be.

Purer in heart, O God, help me to be;
Teach me to do Thy will most lovingly;
Be Thou my Friend and Guide,
Let me with Thee abide;
Purer in heart, help me to be.

Purer in heart, O God, help me to be;
Until Thy holy face one day I see:
Keep me from secret sin,
Reign Thou my soul within;
Purer in heart, help me to be.

Husband And Wife

For awhile now I have been trying to do a post about being husband and wife. I kept messing it up and I hope I get it right this time.

When your single and you look at married couples you don't understand what it is to be married. In some ways, being a women you make it a romantic thing in your head. Then when you meet "the one" it becomes another layer, it becomes something else. The words escape me right now. You enter the honeymoon stage. Marriage is fresh and new. The body that is next to you is exciting and all the new things you are experiencing is rich. Then time passes and you wonder how you will get back to those times. But then something new blooms.

You see since I have been married I have been living in fear. I don't know what of. Maybe Blake leaving. Maybe of things being too perfect and nothing has ever been perfect for me and as soon as they seem to look perfect they fall apart. So I guess in some ways I created drama or things to be afraid of so that I wouldn't lose him. As long as there was this push and pull I knew he was there. I realized today, the sweetness of marriage. The sweetness of husband and wife.

Being husband and wife isn't some legal thing, it isn't a piece of paper, and it isn't some construct that we abide by. Husband and wife is a dance. Its having this sweet intimate dance with one person. Experiencing the richness of all that life has to offer together. If one partner holds out the dance isn't as sweet. If one looks at marriage as just something to do, they miss the beauty of the dance. If one lives in fear of the dance it becomes strained and it holds the other partner back from having the flow and the softness of the steps. Marriage isn't an individual sport, it can't be. Marriage is two people coming together, giving up some of their rights to the other so that they may dance beautifully together.

Blake, my love, I'm sorry I've held our dance back. I'm sorry you wanted to go one way, but the fear of the moving my feet kept us back. I'm ready to dance with you. I know right now the music is foreign to us and I know there is such sadness around us, but I want to take your hand again and start the gentle steps towards a life of dancing together. I know I have disappointed you along the way, but I'm ready to dream and I'm ready to dance. Will you take my hand and join me too? I love you.

I Don't Know I Believe It

I keep hearing:

Life is hard but God is good

I just don't know where that fits in my life right now. Sounds strange to say that out loud.

Where Have I Been?

Where have I been. That has been asked alot lately. How do I explain it.

I have been in a dark place. I still am.

The dark has come around me and I don't know how to get out. I feel the depths of my deeds and the depths of the things I have done wrong. I have been running from my past and I have been running from my future. All I know is that the dark has come and I haven't been able to find my way out.

So this where I have been and this is where I'm at. How do I write things that would only be fake. Things that wouldn't be true. I hate lies, but lies have been my life, but for here. This has been my place of honesty and right now I don't want to admit the lows I have been to. I don't want to take off this one mask that has protected me even if it hurts me at least its a mask that makes me look like I'm together. So how do you write durning a time like this? I don't know. I have calling for evils in my life to justice and the whole time God was calling me to it. So now I'm called and now I'm caught. I'm being called to justice and I can't deal. The conviction is too deep and God's love is too much. How do I write that?

So again, this is where I am, this is where I have been. I'm ready to stand, but I'm ready to give up.

Intellect

I keep thinking about the world and the church are so different. I think there should be some differences but I'm thinking of differences that are damaging.

I have been watching Big Brother 6. One thing about this year is that they have a couple of people who are very smart. They are even called intellectuals or referred to as very smart. There is a respect there for that persons thoughts and knowledge. I find it interesting. They all know they are at different levels of intelligence,but yet have a high respect for one another in that sense.

I have always felt that Big Brother was a social experiment and in a lot of ways does speak about where we are at as humans. So this year I see a respect factor going on. I was to the point that I was thinking even the world doesn't respect thinkers and those who hold a lot of knowledge, but this show is showing me wrong.

So with that I come to the church and I see the cancer that is spreading through out our "family". I find it interesting the lack of respect that we give to those that we think are smarter than us. Instead of finding away to work together and finding away to celebrate who we are as individuals, we find way to tear them down. We automatically think these people are trying to look down on us. They are trying to make us feel stupid. When in reality that is only "our truth", it is our perceived truth. Our truth tells us that these people must be reined in, they should be cornered so that they have no "power" or can in any way make us feel less than. All the while we are doing what we accuse the intellects of doing. We don't want them to quiet us down, well, we will quiet them down. Yet you look at the world around us. You see a celebration and a respect for those who are "smarter than us", we see their value and we give them a mic to speak their voice. I think the church has a lot to learn from the world. Yes I just said it. Deal with it. ;)