How do you do this? I'm not sure how. I know Blake has posted at his blog. Yes, it is true we are seperated and will be getting a divorce. I almost want to vomit has I say that. Tears stream down my face.
There are so many things you want to say. One thing I want to say is sorry. I've said it to Blake, but you also feel the need to apologize to those that are your friends and those who counted on you. And sorry to God for failing him.
I don't want to get into details either, but to say that Blake and I are both going through our own hell in this. We both still love and respect one another. We both still love God and both want the best for one another.
Leaving Blake, coming home was the hardest thing I've ever done. The day he dropped me of I wanted so badly to run up to the van and tell him to just take me home with him. I still at times want to do that. But I also know that to hold onto him, to continue to hurt him and hold his life back is and was wrong.
I punish myself a lot lately. I feel I've failed so many people, but the worst of all is thinking about my "blue eyes" and knowing I failed him. All of this is a process, I know. I'm just still grieving. I'm still trying to give myself grace.
I ask that you pray for us.
I guess I'll post later, but right now this is too hard. Thank you to those who have posted here and have e-mailed me. I know I haven't responded, but thank you!
Jules!
About Me
- Jewels
- Since I was two weeks old I have moved around with my family, was mostly raised in Mississippi, but found a home in Arkansas. I am a Christian, trying to figure out what God wants and trying to follow the path He has set for me. I feel I have always been in a dance with God. So this has been my life, following God, sometimes with passion, sometimes just following, and other times just not. All I know is He is my Father and I pray we always dance together.
10 comments:
Hey Jules. You already know that Lydia and I are hoping for the best for you and that we are praying for both of you. Good luck out there and keep in touch.
What he said. :)
Jules: This is Mom. We still love you and always will. Please re-read the letter I wrote to you, it is all true. I think of you often and wish for nothing but the best for both of my children, as you will remain family in my heart.
Eventually the grief will subside and life will even out; it is a long and painful process. Just trust that all will be as it is meant to be and you will live life the way you should. Wish I could hug you and make you feel better somehow.
Julie, it's Korrinne. I hope you are feeling a little better. I just wanted to let you know that i'm thinking about you, and email me if you ever want to talk.
Jewels,
I accept you and all of what's happened. I forsaw it would happen. I wanted to remind you I'm with you right now more than ever...I'm grieving with you...over 'your pain' not the opportunity lost. I don't want you to think I'm upset or disappointed with you in any way...I'm not at all.
As an indication of my love for you I'm sending you good feelings (you know the ones I call the fruit of the spirit) through people, things and situations...so when you experience anything good(remember Jesus said there's nothing good but me) you're experiencing me and my love for you.
btw...grieving is good...kinda like sweating out a fever.
Life | Love | Freedom
I AM
Jules, people love you. that's awesome.
I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about both you and Blake. Shoot me an e-mail if you ever need to talk.
-Jonathan(KIR)
HI Julie,
as you will see this is Mark Wheeler, Blakes long lost friend who just hapened to find his blog and thereby the link to yours. My heart aches as I think what you both are going through. I wish I had know but then i could not do do any more that the prayers that I will continue to pray. It is hard for me to even begin to express the grief that I feel for you. Prayers, love, and and ernest desire to help
My last comment was rushed; I am new at this stuff, and as you can tell I did not read that last one before I posted it. Please do not take the appearance of the post as indicating that I was too rushed to be bothered and did not care. I have actually be sitting here wide eyed at 1:30 in the morning wondering why, how, what, is there anything....
May God's grace sustain you
Do you still plan to use this blog, Jules?
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