Church Yesterday

You know yesterday at church wasn't that bad. Although there were things that I still struggled with. Those are personal issues though and ones that I'm still working through. I will get to that in a sec. Anyway, it was nice to see people that I do care about and see they are o-kay. I have missed them. Plus it was nice to see that some people do care and miss you. Its just hard because the reason I know they like me is because I haven't rocked their boat. I just smile and go on with my stuff, in their opinion at least. Anyway, I just wanted to be in a church setting for some reason. I think as a christian we desire to be with His people or something that feeds that part of our life. At least I do. I don't know if I would be completly happy if I didn't have physical contact with other "believers".

Here is the push though. There are some people that I'm struggling with in my life. They hurt me, they hurt me good. I can't seem to let it go. I see them, pride starts welling up in me and all these thoughts. I know that I don't need to be with people like them. I'm fine with that. I think it is good to have boundaries and to know toxic people when you see them, but when does the feelings of hurt and anger go away? I'm tired of feeling this way about them. Even though I feel there are some things that need to be said between us I know that those words will never be said and I know they wouldn't admit or listen. So, there is still no closure and I'm desiring it so bad. I want healing. I keep praying to God to help me. Hopefully He will heal me. I know that all I have done on my own power with this hasn't worked.

Anyway, does any of this matter? I don't know.