O-kay out of my playground I come. I don't feel like I'm apart of the world right now. Kindof just hanging in. I guess that is what depression does to ya! HA!!! I'm looking for ways to handle a situation and I feel I don't know how to just yet. The Lord will show me. It will all work out.

I just had the greatest quote at a message board I go to. Its from a poster there named Mr_Magoo he said:

"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.
Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16

there is no situation so dangerous that we know god can't possibly be calling us to walk into it.
there is no ministry opportunity so compelling that we know we can disregard the danger.

This fits so well with all that is around me. I can't even expound on it right now. I just want to sit and look at it over and over. Never forget it!!!!!!!!! Man that is awesome!!!!!! :)

So the play ground called me and I had to go. I'm running to it actually. I have to get there. The pain of somethings became too much today. I don't want to leave my God. I have no desire to leave what He has called me to do. I have all the desire to run after Him but I'm sitting here wondering why I feel like I have to be the mature one. When do I get to get my way! I want it so bad. Why do people think it is o-kay to use you at their own will and then to not take responsiblity. I told my husband today that I knew that I could see in the Word that we were to go to our brother, forgive and build from there. I have been told today about 2 people I confronted on that there was nothing to work on. It couldn't be worked on any further. So basically, we don't want to acknowledge your hurt and you just go on. So, here I am. I'm on my swing. I can feel it. The acceptance of God there. The love there. The breeze over me and the pit of my stomach falling out as I hit the bottom of the back and forth motion. Its so safe here. No one to interfere. No one to hurt me. I think I will like to stay here. Some where safe. I don't want to work on it today. I don't know that I ever will. hhhhhmmmmm...so safe.......

I have found something new. Well not new, but old. I'm on a fringe of seeing something. I'm realizing that there is this world out there that I haven't gotten into. I'm not alone in seeing something different with the church. I'm nuts. Neither is my husband. I keep praying that God will keep showing us the major picture. I think we have only seen parts and He is giving us ppl to help show us the way. :) WoW!!!!!! Its amazing!!!!!!!!

O-kay so I have put my feet into the ground and I seem to be hanging on pretty well. I talked to this guy yesterday and it was awesome. It was nice to connect with someone who knew where you were coming from. It was nice to have someone say "I understand" I hung up the phone and told my husband what had happened. He was encouraged too. It was as though we both came to a place where we weren't alone.
On the war front. It sucks. To be an American in a country that hates you is interesting. I have never felt so defensive about my country. It has been hard to watch people burn the flag. It has been hard to hear people say some really tough things about America. I don't know what else to say about it but that it sucks. I pray God blesses our country and that some how things turn around fast.

I'm frustrated today. I can't seem to get away from all that seems to crowd my world. I need to go to my playground but for some reason I can't. People keep abusing my openess. They think it is o-kay to use you for their gain. They act surprised when you call them on it. I had that happen recently. I have laid out my cards to people and they are acting surprised. As thougth it is o-kay to manipulate and use people at their free will. I want to take a stand but I feel weak. I want to hit but something keeps pulling my hand back. I took one punch and it didn't even phase anyone. I want to run to my playground, I want to play. I don't want to stay here any more. If I can just get on my swing. OH God let me just go to my swing. Right now I will stay here in the real world. Not wanting to deal. Wanting to run to Jewel's Land. I will fight for now. I will run later. I think if I can just squeeze my toes into the ground I can make it one more day. Just one more time around.........

Alright now! Its working!!!!!! Yes!!!! O-kay now I'm energized. OH the typing we will go. The Typing we will go!!! ;)

I don't know that this thing is working of if it can be seen! I can't seem to veiw what I'm putting out there. Anyway, hopefully soon it will be rockn' and rolln'. LOL

I'm sitting here and I'm wondering why I did what I did today. I let myself be seen. I let the deep pit of my true side show. I let someone know what I truely thought. I let some of the hate that I have for people out. Now I wonder if I should have. I have done a good job of letting myself and others think that I'm a perfect Christian. I like that game. It is safe. Its where I go to play. Its Jewel's Land. The Land where I can control. I don't feel controlled when I go outside to play in someone else's Land. I don't feel apart and feel that their rules aren't what I want to play by. I guess it is selfish.....I just wish people would wake up. I wish that people would see what life is really about. Well....back to my jungle gym. I like to swing on the bars. The wind feels good on my face. AH Yes....

Well nothing to say today. I just started and hopefully things will start to grow from there. :)
God bless......