Thoughts

I have to say, y'all are funny. I love the comments on the PEZ thing. I was apart of a internet version of Big Brother at Marcellas Reynold's site. Its called Big Sister. So one of the challanges was to draw a PEZ pic of ourselves. So that PEZ you see is me. ;) LOL I ended up having to quit the game when I accidently looked at some Diary Room. It was a hard decision to make because no one had a way of knowing what I had done, but I decided to play a fair game and to practice what I preach I should quit. So anyway, it was fun while it lasted. Come to find out I was everyone's choice to win. LOL I was kindof proud to find that out. So, now you know what the PEZ was about.
On the flip side of that, there was a guy at the site who liked my play (I guess). Anyway, he thought I got a raw deal. :P It was up for me to come back, but long story short, someone put the kabosh on that. So, he has now started a game as well and has asked me to become apart of it as well. If you interested in watching what happens there go here.

NOW FOR SOMETHING SERIOUS! THIS IS A WARNING IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING UGLY AND MY FEELING ON IT PLEASE DO NOT READ! IF YOU ARE GOING TO USE THIS POST TO ABUSE ME, ABUSE MY WORDS AND MY FEELINGS I ASK TO STOP READING ANY FURTHER! THANK YOU!

Anyway, I will soon share some other things on my mind. I'm trying to get back to doing this every day, but its just hard. Since I know that my blog is being linked to people I think that are abusive I don't want to post stuff that will allow them to abuse more or to even be apart of my journey. If I knew that they would honor my request I think there would be apart of me that would let go, but because they are so abusive and all their actions in the name of good Christian practice or in the name of God make me sick. So I feel that if I don't post here then I still have control over one part of my life. So for once I'm going to pubicly say, if you come here from Shawn Cuthill's site I'm sorry, I don't want you here. And if you are Shawn Cuthill, I want you to stay away from here. If you endorse behavior that ignores people, ignores who people truely are, ignore people trying to live an HONEST life, who have no desire to leave or think outside of the structure of the modern church I don't want you here. This place is a sancturary for those of us who are tired, for those of us who see past lies and the false living.
I have forgiven you Shawn, but you are a dangerous person and until you are able to acknowledge your abusive behavior and your wrong doing pubicly, I don't want any thing to do with you. You have used and abused at your website. You lie there. You pretend to be camac and have used that "name" to do abusive things. You have not allowed yourself to be held accountable to your actions but force others to be held to your strange and abusive moral code. Although it has hurt me and my husband, I forgive you. I really do. But I will not pretend what you did was right and I will not pretend that everything is ok with you. They aren't, but I forgive you because I need to do it for myself, not anyone else.
I'm sorry if I have offended anyone in saying this. I have been living in silence for awhile now and I needed to say it. I needed to get it out. I'm tired of dancing around, I'm tired of pretending, and I'm tired of the power I have allowed the silence me and I'm tired of the power I have allowed by not saying outloud that people are forgiven. If I have offended you, I am sorry, if this makes you uncomfortable, I'm not sorry for that. I have been uncomfortable for a long time now and its time it stopped. I'm willing to deal with things privatly, but this will be my last post on this subject publicly. I have also made comments unavailable here. And I will delete any comments that refer to this in other parts of my blog.

Thank you!